Xanana Republic Gazette

A Joke

2010-07-04T09:02:00.000+09:00

So, Jose and Alseno are sitting on a log in Betano, contemplating the horizon.

“You know Alseno” says Jose, “If I were to win the Timor Telcom lottery I would give you half”.

“You would?” says Alseno.

“Of course, you are my best friend. And if I had two houses I would give you one, because you are my best friend”

“You would?” says Alseno.

“I would” answers Jose “because you are my best friend. And if I had two buffalo I would give you one, because you are my best friend”

“You would?” asks Alseno.

“Of course I would, because you are my best friend. And if I had two goats, I would give you one”.

“You would?” replies Alseno. “And what if you had two chickens?”

“Fuck off, you know I’ve got two chickens”

....

Baffled Backpackers Buggered at Batugade

2010-05-05T15:00:00.003+09:00

As most of us are aware this year our President, Jose Ramos Horta has set up quite a few events to help encourage tourism in our wonderful country. We will be having the first underwater photo contest, the second Tour de Timor, the Dili Marathon, the endurance race and quite a few other events including the re-instatement of the Darwin to Dili yacht race. These are all wonderful things and I must say that I personally am looking forward to them all very much.
Not so the Ministry of the Interior. In their supreme wisdom this ministry has decided that at the moment the only way for any tourists to get here is by 'plane. A few weeks ago it was decided that anyone coming to our country overland from West Timor will no longer be able to get a visa at the border. You CAN enter the country this way if you have a previous Timor-Leste tourist visa in your passport but not if you are a first time visitor. Apparently, in theory you can get a visa at the consulate in Kupang or Bali. In practice you can't. See this link for reasons why.

So, all you first time visitors to Timor-Leste, "piss off".

....

Banana Republic or what?

2010-05-05T14:39:00.003+09:00

In today's (May 5th 2010) Timor-Leste newspapers the following Prime Ministrial edict appeared:
(please excuse the translation from Tetum)

Based on instructions from His Excellency Mr. Prime Minister and from the Ministry of Tourism, Commerce and Industry:

1. Bussiness's such as supermarkets, shops and kiosks, all of them in Dili, must participate in the general clean-up which takes place every week on Friday by cleaning the area in front of their place of business.

2. Starting today 3rd May 2010 all supermarkets, shops and kiosks in Dili have to paint and decorate with coloured fairy lights to commemmorate the restoration of independence on 20th May.

NB - Those who do not participate in the general clean-up and do not follow these instructions will be sanctioned by the withdrawal of their business licenses by the Ministry of Tourism, Commerce and Industry.

Signed and stamped by:
Fernando Da Silva,
National Director of Commerce.

What a bloody joke. This is what you fought for Falantil.
I wonder whose relatives have a coloured fairy lights and paint business?

....

Timor Telecon

2010-05-05T10:37:00.004+09:00

So, here's what happened.

I woke up at 6am on Friday and thought I'd play a bit of 'Mafia Wars' on the old internet. Unfortunately the old internet decided that 6am was a bit early for it so I couldn't get on line. Eventually, at 7.15am I managed to get through to Timor Telecon 'customer support' (no, thats not an oxymoron (actually it is)) and was told that a 'technician' may show up in "around 3 days"! I was also given a complaint number. After explaining to the lady at 'customer support' that the problem was probably with the Timor Telecon main frame we said our goodbyes.

After 7 more 'phone calls to 'customer support' a 'technician' (and I use the term lightly) finally turned up at 5pm. This chap then proceeded to check all my connections, making sure that in a sudden frenzy I had not disconnected anything, added anything, taken away anything or had not deliberately fucked up my own internet. He then decided that maybe my problem was with the landline and he would call his office to check said Timor Telecon landline. Unfortunately the Timor Telecon technicians Timor Telecon telephone had a flat battery. So he used my landline to 'phone his office to check that my landline was working! Doh! After ascertaining that my landline was indeed working he told me that the problem was probably with the Timor Telecon main frame (yep) and he would go back and get it fixed. We parted on good terms considering that I was thinking of setting my dogs on him and all Timor Telecon employees and shareholders (especially the bloody shareholders).

After waiting what I thought was a reasonable time (1 hour) with still no internet I 'phoned 'customer support' again. I was again told that a 'technician' would arrive in 'around 3 days' again! Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh! This on a Friday evening and Saturday and Sunday were not part of the 3 days.

So, later on the Friday evening I 'phoned 'customer support' again, mistakenly thinking that as it was a 24hour service they might not be so busy at that time of night and that I might get a bit more satisfaction. Wrong again. The wanker on the end of the line laughed at me and then hung up!

Monday morning, 1135am, and I was advised to buy an electricity stabilizer. So I did. Plugged it in. Still no internet. The 'technician' then told me the problem was probably with Timor poxy Telecon.

Maybe we will get it fixed today Mister. Fat chance.

Well, hush my mouth and slap my wrists. At 5.30pm the internet just magically reappeared and I was online. Hooray!

Fuck 'em though. I'm still posting this.

....

So Where Was I?

2010-05-04T23:03:00.002+09:00

Oh Yeah,
I notice that in this weeks (03/14/10) edition of TEMPO SEMANAL that our illoustrious leader only had 19 pictures published of HIMSELF. Something should be done. This is not enough.

JB what are you up to?

....

Whale Of A Time

2009-11-18T14:50:00.004+09:00

The following pictures are of a Humpback whale cow and calf taken at Bob's Rock yesterday, 17th November at about 1pm. The calf kept breaching while mum kept a careful watch. Mum is the very large light blue object under the water.

I love it here

....

I Just Couldn't Resist This

2009-11-12T23:27:00.002+09:00

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

....

OUR MATE

2009-09-11T12:44:00.003+09:00

HENRY KOBY

There is a core group of long-time foreign residents in Dili who have brought changes to Timor-Leste whilst at the same time being changed themselves. Henry Koby has certainly left his mark on this town. In return he discovered that he had reserves of energy, courage and humour, enabling him to face the challenges of running an enduring tourism business in Timor-Leste on a shoestring. He was the heart and soul of Dili Backpackers in Mandarin, a simple hostel that has welcomed hundreds of pioneering travellers, making Timor-Leste a must-visit destination for any backpacker worth his salt. I remember him welcoming visitors straight off the bus from Kupang, who turned to him in their bewilderment for advice about how to explore this slightly scary outpost on the backpackers trail. He would shake his head, sigh at their unworldliness and, in his usual irascible way, devote hours to answering their endless queries, pretending to be impatient. Henry had endless patience. He was generous with his time. He had a soft centre. He knew the backpackers’ world, showed a genuine interest in travellers’ adventures – and occasional misadventures – and entertained them by offering an acerbic and usually humorous commentary on life in Dili. He consequently became well-known on the international backpacker circuit, featuring in countless travellers’ blogs, and will be missed by more people around the world than we can imagine.
When Dili was hit by the 2006 crisis, many expats who had spent years and fortunes setting up businesses and making lives for themselves in this country watched in shock as Dili burned. Backpackers were still turning up as youths fought on the street outside the gates. These were strange days. One night Henry drove rioters away with a spade as they tried to climb the fence into the hostel. Even though he was greatly outnumbered, he roared defiance at the intruders. They fled. Henry could be fierce.
During this period, Henry found work as an electrical contractor at the Heliport, newly occupied by Australian forces. I met him one day as he cursed security guards at the Heliport as they would not allow him to enter to do his work because he didn’t have a pass because he was self-employed. Dili was full of people with passes dangling around their necks: police, army, NGO’s and aid workers, who had been shipped in to deal with the crisis. But we expat residents didn’t “belong” to an organization. We just belonged to Dili. We decided that we, too, needed an identity as a group, a pass. So Henry became the first member of the LCC – The Local Characters’ Club – open only to those foreigners who had arrived in Timor-Leste before independence, investing our own capital, without a safety-net . The LCC pass had a photo and an official-looking crest. It worked for Henry and he never had trouble getting access to the work site again when he flashed the pass. It was a joke, based on his quirky sense of humour, but there was actually an underlying seriousness to the bond between Local Characters, who numbered only 20 or so. One of the club’s rules was that all Local Characters should help any other member who was in trouble, regardless of whether they were on speaking terms or not. Henry was always there for us when we found ourselves in a predicament. He would grumble, suck his teeth, and pitch in to help.
Henry had a narrow escape in 2006 when he unwittingly rode into a gunfight on his motor bike. A bullet passed between his arm and his ribcage, punching a hole in his T-shirt and leaving just a graze. He often joked about it. When his final illness was diagnosed, and he returned to Dili after months of treatment, he had us laughing as he told anecdotes about his time in hospital and how he tormented the long-suffering nursing staff. He told us that his illness had brought him face to face with death and that he felt serene about the end, whenever it might come; he was ready. He had also gained a new appreciation of life, a sweetness, a gentleness of manner. In sharing these experiences, I believe that he was saying goodbye to us and trying to diminish the grief that we are all feeling now. He was shy, he didn’t like a fuss. He loved Timor-Leste deeply. He told us that he wanted to be here at the end and I am glad he was. He belonged here. But without Henry, Dili has lost some of its flavor. He will be missed and fondly remembered.

R.I.P. MATE

......

Oooh It Makes Me Mad

2009-07-20T19:47:00.001+09:00

Overhead in a popular watering hole the other night. One UN Old Hand (i.e. more than 3 months here) handing out her wisdom to a couple of newbie’s:

“I like to collect Tais, but you can also get some really good coral jewellery here. The antique stuff is quite expensive but you can buy some made with new coral so I’d say get that”

It’s fucking illegal to buy or sell coral products here, to try and export it out of the country and to try and import it into either Australia, Singapore or Indonesia. Aside from that doesn’t this idiot watch Discovery, Animal Planet or any of the other many channels that have been telling us for years that coral reefs are dying? That we have a responsibility to help protect them.

UNTAET
UNTAET/REG/2000/19
30 June 2000
REGULATION NO. 2000/19
ON PROTECTED PLACES

Section 4
Coral Reefs

The coral reefs present in the waters of East Timor shall be protected. For the
purposes of the present regulation:
(a) the intentional killing, damaging, or destruction of coral or coral reef;
(b) the use of explosives or poisons for fishing which results in the killing,
damaging, or destroying of coral or coral reef;
(c) the buying or selling of coral or products made from coral; and
(d) the export of coral or products made from coral,
shall be prohibited.

Well, that got that off my well oiled and muscular chest

….

Holier Than Thou?

2009-05-21T09:14:00.001+09:00

Re: 'The Dili Insider'

And I quote

“Slander, idle gossip and unsubstantiated nonsense will be ignored”

Bloody hypocrite…

....

A Long Term Plan

2009-05-21T08:44:00.000+09:00

KILL ALL THE BLOODY GOATS!

....

Some Good News (at last)

2009-05-12T00:07:00.001+09:00

Follow this link for more information:

Voters reject terror of Timor
Tom Allard, Jakarta
May 12, 2009
EURICO Guterres, the pro-integration militia leader who terrorised East Timor as it voted for independence, has failed to win a seat in Indonesia's Parliament.
Mr Guterres' failure to get the lucrative sinecure as West Timor's representative was confirmed at the weekend with the release of the final results of April's legislative elections.
"Because he is a famous figure, it was hard for him," said a member of Mr Guterres' campaign team, Hukman Reny, comparing him to Brazilian soccer player Ronaldinho.
"Just like Ronaldinho, whenever he plays, all the backs try to stop him scoring," he said.
With his long hair, beret and incendiary speeches, Mr Guterres was the anti-independence movement's figurehead and was accused of leading murderous rampages during East Timor's blood-soaked transition to nationhood.
Mr Guterres was found guilty by Indonesia's courts of crimes against humanity, but then later acquitted. He has been pursuing a parliamentary seat ever since.
The final tally of the vote for the national parliament confirmed that President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono's Democrat Party almost tripled its vote and secured the largest share of seats.
It also highlighted the chaotic organisation of a poll where millions of eligible voters were left off rolls, the wrong ballot papers were sent to districts and many had a poor understanding of how to cast their votes properly.
Almost 50 million Indonesians were either unable to vote or failed to turn up, while another 17.5 million voted incorrectly. At almost 40 per cent of registered voters, this so-called "golput" vote was easily the highest in Indonesia's decade of democracy.
Indonesia will vote for its president in July. The deadline for candidates to nominate expires on Saturday.
In the latest development, President Yudhoyono has made overtures to his long-time rival Megawati Soekarnoputri to support his presidential bid. Two weeks ago, Ms Soekarnoputri launched a "grand coalition" opposing the incumbent."

well, bugger me!

....

A Very Good Cause

2009-04-24T16:43:00.001+09:00

“In her shoes productions” proudly premiers the long awaited….

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES a play by Eve Ensler

When: Tuesday 28th and Wednesday 29th of April 2009
Where: at MOTION in Dili
Doors open @7.30pm show to start @8.00pm sharp

(non-reserved seating- to be finished by 10pm)

About the MONOLOGUES : The smash-hit phenomenon that is The VaginaMonologues is soon to premier in Dili for the first time.. Based on interviews conducted with women from around the world, this poignant, hilariously witty and moving collection of tales gives voice to a chorus of lusty, outrageous, brave and thoroughly human stories. The Vagina Monologues is a celebration of female sexuality in all its complexity and mystery. An award-winning masterpiece giving voice to real women's deepest fantasies and fears, guaranteeing that no one who sees the show will ever look at a woman's body, or think of sex, in quite the same way again.

******************************************************
The PROCEEDS: The Vagina Monologues is performed around the world and each group performing donates a percentage of revenue from ticket sales to V-Day: a movement which benefits non-government organisations that work to stop all forms of violence against women…across the world. This year 10% Of V-Day campaign revenue will be donated to an organisation in the Democratic Republic of the Congo working to heal female victims of sexual violence. ******************************************************************************************Please note: V-day Timor-Leste will be donating 90% of revenue from ticket sales and donations to Casa Vida, a safe house offering treatment and refuge to female victims of sexual violence in Timor-Leste. Booking information: Tickets are $15.00 each and are going fast!! Please RSVP ASAP to secure your tickets by contacting:Lucy Kaval at vdaydili@hotmail.com or call her at +670-7472194

….

Travel Advisory

2009-04-17T22:56:00.004+09:00

This is an automated e-mail notification from the FOS Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade's Smugtraveller advisory service.

Travel Advice
from the FOS Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade

Australia
Australia overall
This Advice is current for Friday, 17 April 2009.

Reconsider Your Need To Travel

This advice has been reviewed and reissued. It contains new information under Safety and Security: Civil Unrest/Political Tension (update), Local Travel (update) and Wildlife (crocodiles). The overall level of the advice has not changed.

Summary
We advise you to reconsider your need to travel to Australia at this time because of the fragile security situation and the risk of violent (Bikie) unrest. The situation could deteriorate without warning.
If you decide to travel to Australia, you should exercise extreme caution. Violence could occur anywhere (Bikies) at any time in Australia.
You should avoid demonstrations, street rallies and public gatherings as they may turn violent. (Bikies)!
Medical facilities are limited and evacuation may be required in cases of serious illness or accident. Yeah, right.
Because of the uncertain security situation, we strongly recommend that you register your travel and contact details with us, so we can arrest you in an emergency.
Be a smart traveller. Before heading overseas:
1. Organise comprehensive travel insurance and check what circumstances and activities are not covered by your policy
2. Subscribe to this travel advice to receive free email updates each time it's reissued.

On this page:

Summary

Safety and Security

For Parents

Local Laws

Local Customs

Entry and Exit Requirements

Health Issues

Where to Get Help

Safety and Security
Tourism
Tourism is a threat throughout the world. You can find more information about this threat in our General Advice to Foreign Travellers.
In planning your activities, consider the kind of places known to be tourist targets and the level of security provided. Possible targets includes hotels, clubs, restaurants, bars, beach’s and other places of alcohol worship, shops, outdoor recreation events, tourist areas and transport hubs or identifiably foreign (wog) businesses and interests.

Civil Unrest/Political Tension
We advise you to reconsider your need to travel to Australia at this time because of the fragile security situation and the risk of violent civil unrest. The situation could deteriorate without warning. Violence could occur anywhere at any time in Australia.
At present, law and order is maintained by the Awfully Fat Police (AFP) working with the local dobber-inners. Additional security is provided by the Nanny State force which consists of Australian Defence Forces personnel. You should check the security situation with AFP. See Local Travel (below) for contact details. During the course of 2009, the United Nations will commence a phased, state by state, handover of policing responsibility from AFP to the local dobber inners.
You should avoid demonstrations, protests, street rallies and public gatherings as they may turn violent. The risk of such events may increase in the lead-up to and on days of national, political or historic(?) significance. From time to time, protesters have expressed anti-Foreigner (wog) sentiments and threats have been directed towards Foreigners and Wog interests.
Violent disturbances and minor disputes can erupt in Sydney, Perth, Melbourne, Brisbane or just about anywhere else with a non white-European population without notice and escalate quickly. Be particularly vigilant, especially at night, in the vicinity of anywhere that sells booze and in areas where there is a concentration of people, such as large markets.

Crime
Robbery (in some cases armed), assaults, theft and bag snatching have been directed at foreigners (wogs) in Australia, particularly individuals travelling alone or at night. Foreigners (wogs) have been caught up in incidents of armed robbery and assault everywhere and on nearby beaches. 'Smash and grab' style theft of property from vehicles occurs.
There is a history of gang-related violence, robbery, arson and vandalism in Australia (Bikies). Rocks have been thrown at vehicles, particularly during the early evening and at night. You should avoid armed groups of people, including Bikie gangs, both in the outback and in every major city.
Harassment and violence against women, including expatriate women, has been reported, including near the Bondi Beach.
Concerns remain about criminal activity in the outback regions.

Local Travel
Foreigners (wogs) are advised to check the security situation, road conditions and the possibility of military operations with AFP before undertaking travel. The Awfully Fat Police (AFP) emergency and security information numbers can be called 24 hours a day on 112 or (670) 723 0365. You can also get information from the Security Information Co-ordination Centre within the United Nations Integrated Mission in Australia (UNIMAUS). The centre can be contacted 24 hours a day on (670) 331 2210, extension 5454 or (670) 723 0635.
Driving conditions are frequently hazardous due to poor road quality, too much signage and a lack of brains. For further advice, see our bulletin on Overseas Road Safety. Makeshift barricades are sometimes used as unauthorised road blocks and may appear anywhere in Australia.
Take care if using taxis, ute’s or trucks used as public transport due to the poor condition of many of these vehicles and poor driving standards. There is also an increased risk of robbery.
You should take particular care when hiking or moving about on foot in rural areas. Backpackers should consider themselves warned but they are fair game.
For advice on travel to Tasmania (including King Island), travellers should consult our Tasmania Travel advice.
Piracy occurs in the all areas of Australia.

Airline Safety
Passengers on international flights to and from Australia are only allowed to carry a small amount of liquor (including stubbies and tinnies) in their carry-on baggage. When staff at Australia's overseas missions are advised not to use particular airlines due to small duty free allowances, this will be included in the travel advisory.

Natural Disasters, Severe Weather and Climate
Australia is in an active arson zone and is subject to bushfires.
All outback regions of the world can experience bushfires, but there is a more frequent occurrence of large, destructive bushfires in the outback because of the many arsonists along major idiot boundaries and booze trenches. See the Bushfire Awareness brochure.
Tropical storms and cyclones are usual in Australia, and they may occur during the wet season, November to October. And watch out for hailstones.
If a natural disaster occurs, follow the advice of the local authorities.

Wildlife
Australians are advised to respect wildlife laws and to maintain a safe and legal distance when observing wildlife, including marine animals and birds. You should only use reputable and professional guides or hunters and closely follow park regulations and wardens' advice.
Swimmers should note that crocodiles have been sighted everywhere and there is every chance that you WILL be eaten. Also beware of: Funnel web spiders, Redback spiders, Brown snakes, Blue ring octupus, White sharks, Bull rays (crikey!), Cassowary’s, Goana’s, Bluebottles, Big Red Roo’s, Box jellyfish, Razorbacks, Wild buffalo and Dingo’s.

Money and Valuables
We want yours! We have a variety of ways of accessing your money and valuables, including, but not limited to: Pokies, the GeeGees, Bikies, Spruikers, Standover and Bikies. Be especially careful in the Kings Cross area of Sydney. Relatively few people in Australia know what a credit is.
The official currency of Australia is the good old Aussie dollar, which is the only currency that can be accepted as legal tender.
Make two photocopies of valuables such as your passport, tickets, visas and travellers' cheques. Keep one copy with you in a separate place to the original so we can steal it twice. .
While travelling, carry too much cash and remember that expensive watches, jewellery and cameras are very welcome and easily resold.
Your passport is a valuable document that is attractive to criminals who may try to use your identity to commit crimes. It should always be kept in an easily accessed place. You are required by Australian law to report a lost or stolen passport. If your passport is lost or stolen overseas, report it online or contact the nearest police station as soon as possible and we’ll have a bloody good laugh at your expense mate.
You are required to pay an additional fee to have a lost or stolen passport replaced. In some cases, the Government may also restrict the length of validity or type of replacement passports.

For Parents
Leave the bloody ankle biters at home. More trouble than they’re worth! Little bastards.

Local Laws
When you are in Australia, be aware that local laws and penalties, including ones that appear harsh by civilized standards, do apply to you. If you are arrested or jailed, the Australian Government will lock you up and throw away the key. Bloody foreigners. Information on what Australian consular officers can and cannot do to help you does not exist.
Foreigners (wogs) who interfere in local political processes or engage in political activity may be subject to fines, detention, deportation and a bloody good bashing.

Local Customs
There are standards of behaviour and dress in Australia. You should take care not to offend. If in doubt, seek local advice. Thongs and singlets are compulsory.
Religious days are closely observed. Loud noise and frivolous behaviour are mandatory during these times.
Revealing clothing should be worn in public places, including churches and markets, especially by the terminally obese.
Public displays of affection are really poofy and will be punished by a bloody good bashing.

Information for Dual Nationals
Australia does not recognise dual nationality. You are either Australian or a wog.

Entry and Exit Requirements
Visa and other entry and exit conditions (such as currency, customs and quarantine regulations) are draconian, and rightly so. Bloody wogs.
If travellers can demonstrate that they have a valid reason for extending their stay beyond 30 days in Australia, tough shit. You will not get an extension. Unless of course you bribe someone. Foreign (ie: wog) businesspeople can apply for a resident visa if they can provide proof of the registration of their business. Sorry, we put that last sentence in for a laugh. You still won’t get it.
It is illegal to import currencies other than US Dollars into Australia, above certain limits, unless you are a media magnate

Health Issues
We strongly recommend that you take out comprehensive travel insurance that will cover any Australian medical costs, including medical evacuation, before you depart because we certainly will not look after you otherwise.
Mosquito-borne diseases: We’ve got most of them but we like to keep it quiet. Insect-borne diseases such as filariasis and dengue fever are prevalent with more serious outbreaks occurring from time to time. Japanese encephalitis is occasionally reported. We encourage you to consider taking prophylaxis and taking measures to avoid mosquito bites, including using an insect repellent at all times.
A Japanese encephalitis vaccine registered for use in Australia is currently unavailable.
Oh, and we’ve got Ross River fever too. Nasty little bugger that.
Avian influenza. Bloody wogs

Where to Get Help
Don’t be bloody stupid.

Sports and Passtimes
Australians are very bad losers. Two words: Johnny Wilkinson. Nuff said.

If you are travelling to Australia, whatever the reason and however long you’ll be there, we encourage you to register with the Department of Foreign (Wog) Affairs and Trade. You can register online or in person at any Australian Embassy, High Commission or Consulate
In Australia, the Department of Foreign (Wog) Affairs and Trade in Canberra may be contacted on (02) 6261 3305.

This Advice was issued on Friday, 17 April 2009, 13:49:56, EST. by the security head of every organisation we could think of.
After all, job justification is paramount!

While every care has been taken in preparing this travel information for travellers, neither the Australian Government nor its agents or employees including any member of Australia's consular staff abroad, can accept liability for injury, loss or damage arising in respect of any statement contained therein.

You're on your bloody own mate!

....

Lunch?

2009-04-16T17:33:00.002+09:00

The new Nautilus Waterfront restaurant is now open for lunch. Hooray!

The pasta dishes are, as usual, superb. Mrs Sod had the Linguine alla Puttanesca and declared
it ab. fab.

The kitchen is open from noon. Nautilus is on the Beach Road, about 50metres east of Hotel Esplanada.

Treat yourself.

....

Liberal Democracy?

2009-04-06T14:19:00.002+09:00

Been Raped? Victim of incest? Gonna die whilst giving birth?
Well, HARD LUCK!

"Draft abortion laws dropped in East Timor
Last Updated: Sat, 4 Apr 2009 13:35:00 +1100
East Timor's government has dropped an article from the draft penal code that decriminalised abortion for victims of sexual violence or incest following pressure from Catholic lobby groups.The first draft of East Timor's penal code was announced by the government last year. It decriminalised abortion for women if the pregnancy would put their mental or physical health at risk, or if they were victims of sexual violence or incest.The AMP coalition government has now dropped the second set of exceptions.Alita Verdial from the Alola Foundation says the decision may mean sexual violence victims will continue to have unsafe abortions."How about women like this - with the specific case like this - they can also have access to the health services".The penal code is expected be passed by the President soon."

OINSA KARIK O HANESAN IHA NIA FATIN?

....

Police News

2009-03-24T08:17:00.004+09:00

Anyone who says that East Timor is turning into a police state should be put up against a wall
and shot!!

.........

Check out my good friends blog over at this link

......

Something Rotten in the State of Denmark?

2008-12-20T08:22:00.002+09:00

The following 3 links are definately worth a read:

http://timor-online.blogspot.com/2008/12/carta-aberta-ramos-horta.html

http://timor-online.blogspot.com/2008/12/is-there-rule-of-law-in-timor-leste-eng.html

http://timor-online.blogspot.com/2008/12/death-threats-after-e-timor-graft-claim.html

....

Fantastic ET

2008-12-19T10:55:00.000+09:00

Media Release: 19.12.08
Timor a Global Hotspot for Whales and Dolphins
A recent major scientific field survey has revealed the deep oceans off the fledgling nation of Timor-Leste are proving to be a global hotspot and major migratory corridor for whales and dolphins.
The project is a joint partnership involving the Government of Timor-Leste Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries (MAF), the Department of Natural Resources, Environment, The Arts and Sport (NRETAS) and the Australian Institute of Marine Science (AIMS), and was the first ocean-going scientific research trip undertaken by researchers from the Northern Territory and Timor-Leste.
AIMS Project Leader Dr Mark Meekan said the survey was the first major boat-based survey of cetaceans (whales and dolphins) in Timor-Leste and follows six months of intensive aerial surveys of marine wildlife including whales, dolphins, rays, sharks, turtles and crocodiles along Timor coasts by NRETAS, AIMS and Timorese researchers.
NRETAS marine biodiversity Principal Scientist Professor Karen Edyvane said the survey recorded more than 1,000 individuals in eight separate pods over a mere 50km stretch of coast in a single day of observations.
"This is among the highest level of cetacean abundance ever recorded," Professor Edyvane said.
"Not only has the trip revealed the amazing cetacean abundance and diversity of Timor-Leste, but it also demonstrates Timor-Leste’s interest in marine science and its strong commitment to protecting and managing its unique marine biodiversity."
Territory and Timorese observers, including NRETAS marine wildlife experts Ray Chatto and Dr Kiki Dethmers, and Timorese researcher Jose Monteiro identified approximately 10 species of cetaceans, including Blue whales, Beaked whales, Short-finned Pilot whales, Melon Headed whales and six species of dolphins including Risso’s dolphin, Fraser’s dolphin, Spotted dolphin, Rough-toothed dolphin, Spinner dolphin and the Bottlenose dolphin.
"The dolphins and small whales were literally jumping out of the water all around us – it was hard to know which animal to photograph," Mr Monteiro said.
"It is vital that Timor-Leste continues this important scientific research to gain a better understanding of these magnificent but sensitive creatures and ensure that these cetacean populations are properly protected."
Professor Edyvane said one day in particular, with glass-like sea conditions, pods of over 300-400 individuals were recorded by observers.
"We were all amazed to see such an abundance, diversity and density of cetaceans," she said.
"The seasonal east-west migration of the large whales confirms what several cetologists have long suspected – that the deep oceanic waters off Timor, along the Wetar and Ombai Strait, is a major migratory route between the Pacific and Indian Ocean for marine wildlife."
Unlike many ocean scientific voyages in Australia, the survey in Timor was conducted aboard a traditional 20 metre wooden Indonesian vessel, the Timor Tiger – the first vessel in Timor to be registered for scientific marine research. Café e Floressta Agricultura Pescas Loro Matan Department of Natural Resources, Environment, The Arts and Sport Anne Marshall Ph. 8999 4730 www.nt.gov.au/nreta
"The Timor Tiger was a great research vessel for cetacean observations – multi-level, viewing platforms and local Timorese crew and observers that could spot animals at great distances," Professor Edyvane said.
Mr Celestino Barreto de Cunha, Director of Fisheries Management with Timor’s Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries said that the discovery was indeed very exciting for Timor-Leste but it also presented many challenges.
"The Government of Timor-Leste recognises the enormous potential for marine ecotourism along its coast and will proceed very carefully in the development of this industry," Mr Barreto de Cunha said.
"We are committed to ensuring that this marine biodiversity is protected and we will continue to look to Australia to provide good scientific advice on developing a sustainable marine ecotourism industry and in particular, through our unique collaboration with marine researchers from the Northern Territory."
The survey was funded by the Government of Timor-Leste Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries (MAF) and are part of an ongoing program of coastal and marine conservation, research, monitoring and training projects being undertaken by Northern Territory and Timor-Leste researchers including NRETAS, AIMS, Charles Darwin University and Timor-Leste MAF scientists, with a view to developing sustainable marine industries and much needed regional employment and economic development.
To view the images of the recent cetacean survey in Timor-Leste go to www.nt.gov.au/marine and select East Timor Whale and Dolphin Survey.
For more information on the Government of Timor-Leste Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries go to http://www.maf.gov.tl/

For some great pictures go to this link:
http://www.nt.gov.au/nreta/wildlife/marine/timorsurvey/images.html

....

Nautilus - Because You're Worth It

2008-12-17T00:34:00.004+09:00

Well, we’ve been waiting for it for a while now and we’ve all had a bit of a sticky-beak when we’ve been driving past but at long last the new restaurant on the beach road in Pantai Kalapa has finally opened.
It’s called ‘Nautilus’ and I can honestly say it was well worth the wait.
Situated about 50 metres east of the Hotel Esplanada, it has great sea views, easy parking and a constant breeze passing through. The music is laid-back blues and jazz, the staff are attentive and discreet and the décor is to die for. It’s a place Dili has needed for a long time now.
Owned and managed by R and B (like the music) ‘Nautilus’ offers a menu that should suit most tastes. On the (opening) night Mrs. FOS and I went there about 40 people were enjoying the food and very reasonably priced drinks. As the evening wore on the numbers increased up to around 70 or so and the place still didn’t seem over-crowded or too noisy.
After a couple of ice cold beers ($2.50 each) we ordered our meal. The starter was a dozen Oyster Kilpatrick to share and I wish we had ordered two dozen. We followed that with sirloin steak for myself and duck for Mrs FOS, both superb, accompanied by a great bottle of Pinot Noir. It’s one of those places where the napkins are cotton, there is no plastic and the furniture is good solid wood and very comfortable. All the while the staff were on hand but unobtrusive. Ashtrays were emptied immediately (yeah, I know, we shouldn’t smoke anyway), table’s were cleared and the booze didn’t come in cans or bottles. I loved it. Oh, and the dunny’s are spotless and have their own special attendants just like in the real world. Mrs FOS told me that it was the type of place where she could walk in as a lone female and not feel out of place, intimidated or threatened. High praise indeed.
At the moment ‘Nautilus’ will be open from 3pm for drinks and then the kitchen opens at 6pm for dinner. I understand from R and B that it will be open for lunch in the New Year. I wish it was sooner. The only problem I have at the moment is that my favourite place in the restaurant seems to be the favourite place for everybody else. (See picture) It’s a great place to chill out, have a great dinner and/or after dinner drinks.
For those of you with a design bent (and I know a few of you out there have a certain bent) you must check out the floor designs. Hand crafted, Timorese inspired and very very original.
What more can I say? I love the place and Dili needs it. Let’s hope it raises the standards for everyone.

The discreet entrance ( I love a discreet entrance)

My favourite place

Happy Eaters

....

Whale Of A Time

2008-11-07T10:24:00.002+09:00

On Wednesday I was lucky enough to be asked to go up in a very light aircraft and take pictures of ‘Mega Fauna’ in East Timor waters. Mega Fauna basically means anything bigger than, and including, turtles.
What a day!
We took off from Dili Airport at 0620 and before we had reached our cruising altitude of 500feet and 80mph (yep, the ‘plane was that small) we had spotted a big whale right off of the Jesus statue. Picture below. We basically flew the coast of East Timor from Dili to Jaco heading east then along the south coast heading west then when we got parallel with Same flew inland to west of Dili and then east again along the coast to Dili. Total flying time about 4 hours. Very hard on the bum and no way to stretch your legs but who cared?
We saw at least 6 species of whales, easily over 4000 dolphins, manta rays in formation, BIG hammerhead sharks cruising on the surface and we just stopped counting the turtles once we got to Com and beyond because there were too many.
We also got pictures of some illegal fishing boats from Indonesia which we have handed on to the appropriate authorities with times, name of vessel, location etc.
I knew we had great marine life here but I never knew it was so prolific. The two scientists I was with told me that it was an absolutely exceptional survey. And when a scientist starts to use long adjectives you know you’ve seen something special!!

Speaking of whales, does the Japanese ambassador really need to have 2 UNPol cars and 2 PNTL motorcycle outriders, with all the bells and whistles going, just to pop down the shops for a packet of durries and a 6 pack of Kirin on a quiet Saturday afternoon on the beach road?

After all, that's my tax money being spent. And I don't like it.

....

Security Warning!

2008-10-10T12:58:00.005+09:00

Today is the birthday of our beloved leader of the F-FDTL Brigadier General Taur Matan Ruak.
Please be advised that it is expected many F-FDTL soldiers will be pissed up in the bars of Dili this evening. Please take extra precautions

"Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday TMR,
Happy Birthday to you"

TMR (He's very short you know. Allegedly)

This security warning has been issued by FOS because he is a cynical old b*s***d.

....

Traffic News

2008-10-09T19:07:00.002+09:00

From those nice people who gave us Doris Day and Desert Storm comes a security warning that is informative, non-alarmist and treats one like a responsible adult:

WARDEN MESSAGE
THE EMBASSY OF THE UNITED STATES IS TRANSMITTING THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION THROUGH THE EMBASSY WARDEN SYSTEM AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO AMERICAN CITIZENS IN TIMOR-LESTE.
PLEASE DISSEMINATE THIS MESSAGE TO ALL U.S. CITIZENS IN YOUR ORGANIZATION OR NEIGHBORHOOD.
THANK YOU.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Increased Security Around Dili
1) The Government Palace is increasing security. Photo ID will be required, and new vehicle entry restrictions are in effect.
2) The police have informed us that they are setting up checkpoints around town. Below is a list of checkpoint locations.
Planned hours of operation are 2000-2200 hours and 0200-0500 hours, including roving patrols as well as static checkpoints. Contacts in the national police inform us that these checkpoints will be active over the next few weeks and applied periodically hereafter.
Checkpoint Locations:
1. Pantai Kelapa intersection (in front of the Indonesian food restaurant)
2. Residence of the American Embassy (Management Officer): At Bidau Santana intersection
3. City Café Restaurant: location at ANZ intersection
4. Government Palace location at old Post office
5. Audian in front of TOP ONE (Residence of the Secretary of State for security)
6. Aitarak Laran intersection (in front of the Pertamina, Micro Finance office)
7. Kolmera intersection (Road to Hotel Timor and Government Palace)

The police are mainly checking for the following items:
Illegal and/or traditional weapons
Proper Vehicles/Motorcycles documents
Special focus on vehicles that use DH* plate numbers/Jakarta plate numbers.
We strongly advise American citizens and their dependents to maintain at all times identity documents identifying them as American citizens or their dependents. We also recommend that you store photocopies of your passport’s information (photo) page and Timor-Leste visa separate from your passport.
We further advise American citizens and their dependents to cooperate with authorities in the event they come across a military or police checkpoint.
Please be aware of your surroundings.
The U.S. Embassy will provide American citizens with further reports.
For emergency contact, you may reach Consular Officer Roberto Quiroz at 723-1328. Embassy Switchboard is 332-4684. To reach an American staff member, please dial extension 2083, 2056, or 2171.

Isn't that nice of them?

* (Bali number plates)

....

Cane Toads? Load of Arse.

2008-09-13T10:22:00.007+09:00

So, we are being invaded by Australian cane toads are we? Buffo bullshit I call it. No one yet has actually caught one of the said toads and presented it to any experts for inspection so far as I am aware. But what do we have? Some individuals have said we have cane toads here and that they 'stowed away' on INTERFET vehicles in 1999 to get here. So everyone and his ill informed son are jumping on the Buffo bullshit bandwagon. Even Senator Bob Brown in Australia has called for an 'extermination programme' to wipe out the toads that havn't yet been proved to be here. Senator Brown even sent me an email this morning trying to confirm that cane toads are here. I think this was in response to an email I sent him regarding his unsubstantiated comments. Even our beloved President, once again, has jumped on the Buffo bullshit bandwagon. Dear Mr. President, if you don't listen to your media advisors, maybe it's about time you did. And if you DO listen to them, maybe it's about time you sacked them. Or get them, and you, to read this link.

A cane toad (without the hat). Have you seen one of these Mr. President?

....

ps - if it is proved that there are indeed cand toads here I will donate USD 100.00 to any

local Timorese NGO.

Business News

2008-08-26T22:17:00.001+09:00

....

Dear Mr. President

2008-08-22T08:52:00.002+09:00

Dear Mr. President
Perhaps you and your 'media advisors' should read this:

regards

....

But Is It Art?

2008-07-23T18:55:00.004+09:00

I saw these chaps out and about today. I must say I was a little perturbed.
Until I saw their weapons....

....

Fantasy Jobs

2008-06-28T12:43:00.005+09:00

In the current spirit of ‘just making things up’ I’ve decided NOT to take the job of Angelina Jollie’s next lover even though I wasn’t offered it. I’ve also decided not to remember that is was me who first mentioned a heap of money in a Darwin bank account and then decided to forget that too. Oh yeah, I’ve also decided not to remember the name of the guy who shot me even though I have mentioned it and met him since.

But don’t quote me on any of the above…

ps - All journalists are untrustworthy and stupid

….

Turtle News

2008-06-26T11:42:00.002+09:00

So, its 2.30am, I’m fast asleep and gently dribbling on my pillow. Suddenly the ‘phone rings, it’s my mate Bill (or is it Ben) “Mate mate, you’ve gotta get up now. I’ve got a turtle in the back of the car and we need to set it free”. Bugger.
Up I get, find the Maglite and await Ben (or is it Bill?) He pulls up about 5 minutes later, bottle of XXXX Gold in hand and I hear a furious thrashing from the back of his car. He has indeed got a turtle. A Green Turtle. And the bloody thing weighs about 80kg. He had been driving home through Dili when he saw three guys dragging the turtle through the streets. Apparently they had found it laying eggs, on a capital city beach mind you, and had just picked the thing up to take home and eat. Now Bill (or was it Ben?) is not a stupid man, far from it. He knows that to buy live turtles is only to encourage the capture and sale of the animals. He is also a sentimental bugger with some very rough edges. The guys demanded 50dollars for the turtle but my mate and his very tough girlfriend bargained them down to 15dollars. He couldn’t help himself and I don’t blame him. I would have done the same.
We take the turtle out of the car and carry it over the road to the beach, which isn’t an easy job because the turtle is big and heavy and thrashing around like a, well like a very distressed big turtle. We put it on the beach and it races off to the shoreline and dives in. No more turtle and hopefully it has survived the ordeal. And not even a backward glance to say thanks, ungrateful bugger.
When we were carrying the thing to the beach I made sure the head was pointing away from me because a few years ago I had a similar experience with a Hawksbill turtle. Thinking I would try not to spook it I carried it backwards with the head pointing towards me. Big mistake. Just before I got to the shoreline its head popped out and he/she (probably a she) gave me an almighty bite in the guts. Now that was very amusing for the guys in the pub watching, the pom got gut bit! Ha bloody ha. But I ended up with a bruise the size of a dinner plate and I was passing blood for the next 4 days. Not very nice, but the turtle lived. So, if ever you have to rescue a turtle, carry it so that the ungrateful buggers cannot give you a friendly nip.

….

Shipping News

2008-06-20T12:05:00.003+09:00

We've all seen the monstrosity pictured below. Its a clapped out Indonesian sailing boat which has been sitting on Dili's only slipway for more than 2 years now. Boat owners and operators find it very difficult to get their vessels in and out of the water since this pile of rotting junk has been parked there. Wouldn't it be a magnanimous gesture by the well placed and not cash poor owner/s of this disgusting pile of trash to donate it to say, some of the many Timorese carpenters in town so something useful can be done with it? Instead of creating a public inconvenience. Oh, it stinks as well because its also being used as a public convenience.

An Indonesian Junk?

....

Giant Panda

2008-06-13T15:07:00.000+09:00

Welcome back GP
Would you like to meet for a coffee sometime?

FOS

And Their Point Is?

2008-05-13T12:20:00.002+09:00

Driver straps in beer, leaves kid loose

Posted 3 hours 42 minutes ago

Police in Alice Springs say they were appalled to find a driver put a seatbelt around a carton of beer - but left a five-year-old child unrestrained.

Officers stopped the unregistered sedan on the Ross Highway south of Alice Springs on the weekend.

They found the child sitting in the back seat without a seatbelt, but the driver had put a belt around a slab of beer.

....

A Lively Read

2008-05-08T21:59:00.002+09:00

UNMIT Daily Media Review - 8 May 2008

....

Hair Raising

2008-05-08T15:38:00.004+09:00

I have just received the following message. It is addressed to NGO's, which obviously I am not, but I managed to get a copy anyway. I've left out any identifying details, like names and email addresses for obvious reasons.
The whole thing would be quite funny if it wasn't quite so bloody alarming:

Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 11:52:23 +0700
From: "**** ********”
Subject: Of Concern
Joint NGO Safety Office
Location: Zumalai
Time/Date: 7 May 2008
Report Status: Reported by UN Sources
Information: It was reported that an F-FDTL (Joint Command) delegation met with the community in Zumalai, Cova Lima District. They were reported to have advised the community of the following:

1. Support the Joint Command operations.
2. Everyone should hand in any lethal weapons, including home-made weapons, prior to
10 May.
3. All long-haired men must get a haircut.

Advisory:
The third point is cause for some concern. I have been unable to confirm whether this is an official directive from Joint Command, although I sincerely doubt it.
There is no legal or other basis to support such directives, which are probably being imposed by individuals rather than as an official approach to community relations sanctioned by the JC.
Nevertheless, these directives have been issued before by members of the
F-FDTL, in a number of instances to INGO staff in Bobonaro. In one case, the directive was issued with a threat to cut the person's hair if he did not do it himself.NGOs are encouraged to report this and other abuses of authority so that they can be brought to the attention of the relevant authorities.
NGOs are also cautioned that their staff may be subjected to directions by individual members of the security forces that may impinge on their civil liberties. This may happen at any time, in any location. This office has seen an increase in the reporting of such incidents over the past month in particular.

DisclaimerThe Joint NGO Safety Office (JSO) exists to provide dedicated security service to the NGO community;
As a free service JSO and its donors or partners, accept no liability whatsoever for claims as may result from the provisions or utilizations of these free services;
Whilst every effort is made to verify data, JSO cannot guarantee the accuracy or information provided; NGOs are reminded that they remain responsible for their respective organizations security management.

Comments anyone?

....

Interesting Times

2008-05-04T23:47:00.000+09:00

This is worth reading.
(with apologies to a good mate in Darwin)

....

More Odds N Sods

2008-05-04T22:39:00.002+09:00

Anonymous
Some of you may have noticed that I have recently started to moderate the comments section of this blog. This is because I have been receiving a number of comments recently from ‘Anonymous’ (you know who you are, you little tinker) that are full of racist, homophobic and frankly fatoldsodist comments. Now whilst I believe in freedom of expression I do think the onus is on the commentator to make sure the comment is coherent, legible, spelled correctly and grammatically precise. So, Anonymous, I promise to publish the first comment you send that fulfils the above criteria, no matter what the content. You fuckwit.

Electricity
This morning we had our first power cut in months. It lasted about 30 minutes and was of no consequence as we have a generator. I know from friends that we are very very lucky with our electricity as they are having constant cuts in different areas of town. The main reason, I have always suspected, that we are this lucky is because we live on the same street as most of the Embassies in town and nobody wants to upset the donor countries.
Now the other night I was talking to a chap down the pub, as you do, who is over here to help run and maintain the power station in Comoro. Among other things he told me that they have had a directive (no names, no pack drill) that certain areas of Dili should never have cuts. One of these areas contains the house just west of the Jardin IDP camp and Hotel Timor where certain rebels are being contained. You know the one. Its got a big sheet of blue plastic around it, 4 million air-conditioning units, satellite dishes, a pool table and a contingent of heavily armed PNTL and F-FDTL guarding it. Apparently this particular house must not receive any cuts.
Now imagine if you were a law abiding Dili citizen.You pay for your electricity in advance, which you probably will not receive (a breach of contract if ever I saw one) and yet you know that ‘rebels’ in a safe house are never sweaty, have constant light, can put the karaoke machine on whenever they feel like it, the fridge has nice cold drinks in it and that they are safe and sound with their own personal bodyguards to protect them.
If I was that law abiding Dili citizen I would be well fucked off.

Cooking News
I was recently leafing through an old cookery book and came across the following recipe. I thought it might be of interest to my reader.

DILI-CON-CARNARGE

SERVES APPROX 1 MILLION

INGREDIENTS
300g (11 oz) of Incompetent Governance (IG)
150g (5.5 oz) of Unmitigated Nonchalance (UN)
1 very very small tbsp of transparency
A heavy dollop of mixed bleeding hearts
1 large slice (approx 5 weeks) of religious interference
600 petitioners
30 cloves of rebels (crushed)
An overwhelming amount of Pork and Cheese
1000’s of barrels of oil
Leaks
1 bag of mixed nuts
No rice

PREPERATION
Ideally this dish should be prepared using an electric oven but in consideration of the previous article a Timor gas oven should be used.
Place your 1000’s of barrels of oil in a pan and bring to the boil. Add your 300g of IG, 150g of UN and your mixed bleeding hearts. All of these should have been well pickled beforehand. After waiting 4 years add your large slice of religious interference. Let the whole lot simmer for approx. 5 weeks. When the dish begins to smell add your 600 petitioners. After 2 months the petitioners should have wrung out the IG. (A new IG can be voted in later). Once this is accomplished throw in your 30 rebels. These can be crushed after 2 years. Stir in your mixed nuts and your leaks. When the mixture starts to smell like a dead rat take your tbsp of transparency and throw it away. You won’t need it. Stir well, cover-up and cook until everyone forgets the previous 6 years. Season the whole mixture with hypocrisy and cynicism and serve on a large bed of Pork and Cheese.

….

The Dili Weekly

2008-04-29T13:52:00.002+09:00

Go get ‘em Jesse, you Rottweiller you.

Also from The Dili Weekly a couple of great headlines:

Flooded river takes pigs, chickens, sandals

Buses, motorbikes to go to schools
(God knows we need better educated buses and motorbikes).

….

Mea Culpa

2008-04-29T12:14:00.003+09:00

In the current climate of forgiveness and “least said, soonest mended” I have decided to offer an amnesty AND a pardon to the poor misguided armed chaps who burgled my house on December 24th. I realise now that the only way forward is to suffer from a selective amnesia and forget all about justice.
So chaps, I hope you spent the money you stole on alcohol, drugs and loose women and didn’t just squander it. I hope the booze you stole didn’t give you all too big a hang over. That you and yours wear the cloth’s you stole with pride, after having used the iron you stole to make sure they look nice. That the tools, flash-lights, binoculars etc were all up to standard and suited your needs. That you got a good price for these items when you sold them in the Comoro market.
Also in this spirit of “a new beginning” I have put all my old locks back in place so that the keys you stole will now gain you unlimited access to my house so you won’t have to drug the dogs to get in.
I also hope that when/if you are arrested (ha!) you refer to the amnesty given to Rogerio Lobato and 80 other convicted criminals and basically say “If it’s alright for them it should be alright for us”.
Maybe we can arrange a “dialogue” or a “workshop” or a “consultation” to resolve any issues we may have. Myself and a few of my mates would love to have a “dialogue” with you so that we can all see the error of our ways.

Talking Of Which
A very nice PNTL officer who is in charge of my burglary case came round the other day with some ID photo’s of guys he suspects may have been involved. He asked me if I recognised any of them and had I seen them hanging around the house on the day in question. After perusing the pictures I had to tell him that I didn’t in fact recognise anyone. This was due to the black-eyes, bleeding noses and general bruising that would have made it hard for their mothers to know them. I gently suggested to the police officer that maybe they should take the ID photo’s before they give the suspects a bashing. He took this on board and said it was a very good idea.
Another triumph for public/police relations.

....

Stop Press - Traffic News

2008-04-29T10:08:00.003+09:00

Dili residents may want to avoid the Comoro Road today around noon as I expect the usual traffic chaos to be even worse. Apparently Mr. Salsinha and some chums will be arriving in Dili around this time. Expect very fast convoys, gun-toting Rambo lookalikes and lots of sirens and flashing lights.
You read it here first folks....

....

Burying the Lead

2008-04-25T13:54:00.002+09:00

Oh yeah, I forgot something.
It's now 1355 Dili time and Salsinha is in Gleno negotiating his surrender with various bodies. The PNTL and F-FDTL are up there too. Why the fuck they don't just stick a gun to his head and arrest him I don't know. You read it here first folks.

....

It All Makes Sense Now

2008-04-25T12:21:00.003+09:00

You know, I think we may have got it all wrong. After my initial disgust, anger and abject disappointment over the Presidential ‘amnesty’ for Rogerio Lobato and 80 other convicted criminals I was too upset to write anything about it because I thought that I might be a bit too vitriolic. Now I’ve had time to calm down and consider the Presidents kind offer I realise we probably all got it wrong in the first place.
Ex Interior Minister Lobato was completely misquoted in the original investigation. He did not in fact say “Kill them all, kill them all”. In keeping with his devout socialist/Fretilin principles he actually said “Kill the mall, kill the mall”. As some of you may remember the LANDMARK supermarket/mall was in the process of being opened at the time and I believe that convicted criminal ex Minister Lobato was actually trying to save East Timor from the evils of capitalist consumerism. Good for him. Convicted due to a simple typographical error. Disgraceful. I hope all of Dili turns out for his return as we did for Ramos Horta last week. Welcome back Rogerio, your country needs you. I also hope Fretilin ignores the fact that he is a convicted criminal and offers him High Office within the party machine. I’m sure they will.

"Kill the mall, kill the mall" - The offending mall

Of course, if you are a Dili truck driver you might not be so happy to see the return of this gun-toting (allegedly) pistol-whipping (supposedly) thug (definitely). I know I wouldn’t.

....

More Odds 'N Sods

2008-04-21T12:31:00.004+09:00

I’ve decided I’m going to swear a bit more on this blog. I think it needs it.

Heard Down The Pub Yesterday
"Mate, can you take your grenade out of the car before we go in the pub?"

Also Down The Pub (To the tune of 'Hello Muddah, Hello Fadah')
Hello Hector
How’s it going?
How they hanging?
What you knowing?

Goodbyeeeeee Tobias. You will be missed. But then I’ve always said that about you.

The Other Side Of The Coin
I know occasionally I might seem to be slightly unsympathetic to various members of the PNTL, F-FDTL, GNR etc. etc. so here is a little story to put things into balance.
The other night down my local watering hole two of the staff, both Timorese, one male and the other female had an absolutely huge blue. Obscene words were shouted, blows were exchanged and many tears were shed. The fight was very very loud and went on for a long time. The female side of the fight wanted to call in the police and her husband so things could have gone quite bad for the male side. The police (five PNTL) rocked up as did the husband. Very tense situation. Two PNTL officers sat down with the fighters and the husband and talked very calmly and at length with the offended parties. After a long and non-acrimonious discussion the PNTL sorted everything very nicely. Nobody was arrested, nobody was hit and the cops remained calm and friendly during the whole thing. So, slap my wrists and wash my mouth out with soap if I say anything bad about any of the security organizations in the future. Well, for the next day or two anyway.

Eight hundred thousand dollars eh? I might apply to be a Major in the F-FDTL if that’s how good the wages are.

If you see this car driving around Dili (check the licence plate), stay well clear because the driver is a fucking menace. And to think he is carrying a loaded weapon as well.

Prince Albert
Apart from some very dodgy genital piercing what has Prince Albert ever done for us eh?

....

I'll Be Back!

2008-04-17T15:16:00.003+09:00

Well, what a great day it’s been. The return of JRH and the weather isn’t bad either.
Up at the airport at 0700 for the big day. Got there and the place was virtually empty. Handed over some ID and got a piece of plastic that allowed us entry to the airport. Nothing much has changed at the airport really, it was hot, crowded, smelly and very very boring. So I left and went outside to see what was happening. In about 30 minutes the place had changed. There were now at least 5000 people outside, cars and 4WD’s everywhere and a few weapons and very loud whistles as well.
JRH gave a press conference at which he was quite (understandably) emotional. It seemed he didn’t like the SBS documentary last night. Everyone’s a bloody TV critic nowadays. As one colleague said, ‘JRH looked frail but tense, which could be a metaphor for the country really’. You read it here first!
So, airport done, race off to the Pres. Res. for pictures of the Man returning to the scene of the crime. Very very emotional. Lots of people there, marching bands, local costumes, PNTL and GNR being very brave (and about 9 weeks late) and the Man himself walking from the T-junction up to his house. It must have been quite traumatic for him, seeing the site where he was gunned down for the first time and having to listen to the crap music at the same time. A TV mate got a couple of hits from the GNR and the PNTL which JRH witnessed and apologized for. Personally, I know why the GNR guy hit him. The GNR chap was (typically) about 5foot 2inches tall whereas the TV cameraman is around the 9foot mark. A classic case of ‘Napoleon syndrome’ I think. Plus we were very near the ‘Caz Bar’ so the GNR testosterone level must have been quite high.
I’ll leave it there now with a couple of extra comments.

I’ve noticed that the road from Pig Bridge to JRH’s place is now called “Avenue April 17th”. Fair enough. But it took less than 6 days to create “Avenue April 17th” so why the fuck couldn’t it have been done in the previous 6 years? Obviously the labour, money and incentive have been available, so why hasn’t somebody asked the present and past Minister’s in charge of roads what the hell they have been doing since May 20th 2002?
I also think we should leave JRH alone for a while to let him recover, get over the emotional shock of returning to the place where he was gunned down and also let him consolidate his position a bit now he has been re-sworn as Prez.
I reckon we might be looking forward to a couple of ‘interesting’ months on the East Timorese political scene. Let’s hope so.

Running shoes from east and west East Timor wait to greet the President.

A normal sized chap about to get a slap from 3 short-arsed bastards

Looking good Mr. President

......

WELCOME BACK MR. PRESIDENT. YOU HAVE BEEN MISSED.

(or rather, they didn't miss)

....

Bits N Pieces

2008-04-15T13:12:00.003+09:00

JRH returns on Thursday from Darwin. I would imagine there will be very large crowds at the airport and on the road to his house to welcome him back. I hope he appreciates the work that has gone on between Pig Bridge and his house. It took me 45minutes on Saturday morning to get from the bridge to the JRH turnoff. Good job nobody needed an ambulance this time!

A couple of things have caught my eye recently:
Government to buy warships – Suara Timor Lorosae
The State Secretary for Defence, Julio Thomas Pinto, said the Government has decided to buy warships for the F-FDTL Navy to control illegal fishing activities in the coastal area of Timor-Leste."The Government through the department of Defence has signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) with a Chinese company, Poly Technology, to start ship construction for F-FDTL," said Mr. Pinto after signing the MOU on Saturday (12/4) in the Government Palace, Dili.Mr. Pinto also said that the construction will be started next month and will finish in the following year."Once the MOU is implemented, 30 F-FDTL members will receive training from Chinese shipping companies in China," added Mr. Pinto. (STL)

Klemm: The 'State of Siege and State of Emergency' are the right ways to solve the problems â€“ Diario Nacional
The American Ambassador to Timor-Leste, Hans Klemm, said that the Government of Timor-Leste has shown a great patience during the implementation of the 'State of Siege' and 'State of Emergency'."I hope that through the 'State of Siege' and 'State of Emergency', Salsinha and his men will surrender themselves peacefully to justice so that their problems will be sorted out as quickly as possible," Ambassador Klemm said.
My understanding of international diplomacy is that if you do not like a country you are stationed in the surest way to get a transfer is to meddle in internal politics.

The Dili Weekly has done it again with a couple of great headlines:

Small, old Indonesian flag in mango tree causes stir.
and
Despite state of siege district life continues as normal, except for odd kidnapping in Maubisse.

The editorial by Jesse Wright is also spot on, again.

....

Random Stuff

2008-04-01T12:42:00.004+09:00

Well, I just got my copy of The Dili Weekly and once again it was well worth the wait.
Headline of the week, page 2, has to be: Catholics Celebrate Easter. Well they would wouldn't they.
The editorials are consistently superb although I think the combination of large cojones and decent brains could be a dangerous thing. I suspect there are some people out there who are already thinking of trying to get the paper closed down. Again, I’d say to anyone living and/or working in Dili, get advertising with The Dili Weekly. The more money they receive, the stronger they will be.
They also have an item called ‘Police blotter’ which is a round-up of the arrests and
incidents of the previous week. This week they had to have a ‘rider’ which stated the
following: “The Dili Weekly asks that people realize the national police, from whom the
newspaper gets its daily reports, say they have been too busy to meet with our journalists
to give us reports. They say they are totally occupied in the hunt for Salsinha.”
I was wondering if it might be a good idea for the UN or some other body to assist the
PNTL and the f-FDTL by teaching them about media relations. And maybe throw in a
dedicated pro-bono human rights advisor while they are at it.

Talking of Salsinha, I suspect the guy is waiting until JRH is back in the country before giving himself up. I also suspect the JOC suspect/know this. We’ll see.

Apparently the town of Liquica is going to do it’s bit to promote religious tourism.
People there have come up with the scheme of ‘persecution parties’.
Realistic burning of witches is being mooted to promote an influx of religious tourists.
It will be a little like the Fatima procession only hotter.
Liquica residents are fully behind the idea and see it as an economic boon.
Father Jose Quintas dos Santos Ximenes O’Toole said today (1/4/08) “I believe
Our Lord would look upon this action as a devout way to bring money to the community.
Only we in Liquica would have thought of this idea. We are very proud”.
Loron Bosokteen.

…..

Oh What Tangled Webs etc. etc...

2008-03-26T12:39:00.002+09:00

The things they say

Timor Post, Dili, Wednesday 16 January 2006.
Dili – Prime Minister Xanana Gusmão threatened that his side would arrest members of the press (media) if when instability emerged in the nation.Because of this he asked the media to undertake its work with more responsibility for the situation.“You have to exercise more responsibility towards the environment of stability or instability. We close our eyes when in the case of small and big things you go and interview Alfredo. Perhaps because of these things instability may emerge in the country, because of you, we will arrest you,” he said to journalists on Tuesday (15/1) at the Ministry for Social Solidarity, Kaikoli, Dili.

TMR appeals to people to report abuses:
F-FDTL Commander Brigadier-General Taur Matan Ruak is encouraging members of the public to report any cases of abuse committed by the Joint Operation.“We are ready to receive any reports from any of the victims if they have been tortured by the soldiers, so that the cases can be investigated and not just publicized through the media,” said TMR on Wednesday (19/3) at Palacio da Cinzas, Dili.

Timor Post journalist beaten.

Julio Pinto has accused foreigners of meddling in national politics: The State Secretary for Defence, Julio Pinto, has said that government has a list of people who have meddled in the country’s internal politics. Mr Pinto said that he is currently trying to find more information on these foreigners. “We already have a list. Now we are trying to find more information on these foreigners who are involved in the political situation in Timor Leste so that they can be submitted for an investigation,” said Mr Pinto. (TP)

UN responsible for February 11: The MP from Kota, Manuel Tilman, has asked the UN to take responsibility for the events of February 11.“The security of the state and the Prime Minister falls under the responsibility of the UN. The UN should be responsible for establishing an International Independent Commission of Inquiry (IICI),” said Mr. Tilman on Tuesday (26/2) in the National Parliament, Dili.

Lasama: Attempts against State greatest crime: In a dialogue with the population of Lete-Foho, Ermera, Acting President Fernando Lasama de Araujo said that the attempts against the State made by the rebel groups of Alfredo Reinado and Gastão Salsinha can be considered as the greatest crime and should be resolved through the court system. Related to the rumours that Alfredo’s death was the result of a foreign-led conspiracy, PR Lasama said that the only people responsible were Timorese. “Never falsify and blame others. All the mistakes are ours and it’s time to solve these problems,” said PR. Lasama. (TP)

......

Read All About It!

2008-03-19T18:07:00.003+09:00

This report appears in other publications but in various edited versions. This is the full pool report:

Here is Lindsay Murdoch's pool report of East Timor president Jose Ramos Horta's return to Royal Darwin Hospital on 19 March 2008 to thank the doctors and nurses who helped him recover from serious gun shot wounds in the attacks in Dili on February 11 2008.
President walks gingerly into the hospital foyer at 9.15am, 15 minutes earlier than scheduled (He had been driven there from the nearby Darwin Private Hospital).
President is wearing a loose fitting brown cotton shirt and brown trousers. His face is unshaven. He looks thin.
President smiles when he shakes hands with two pool journalists.
President indicates he doesn't require a wheel chair and walks to a lift which takes him to the Intensive Care Unit on the first level, where he arrived in a critical condition on the evening of February 11 and was discharged on March 3. Twenty five doctors and nurses gather around him in the unit's tea room.
President presents the hospital's manager Len Notaras with a photograph of the President meeting The Pope at the Vatican in January, as a gesture of his gratitude to the hospital. "When I was shot the Pope himself prayed for me," the President said. Mr Notaras thanked the President, noting that His Holiness' Office was on the phone calling about the President's condition in his early days at the unit. The President then presented some Timor coffee to the doctors and nurses. "It's the best coffee in the world," the President told them. *"I have to also tell you that Timor coffee already has been found to have strong viagra content so it is very healthy,"* the President joked. Mr Notaras told the President it is wonderful to see that he has done so well. "You are a man who has made a difference and you will continue to make a difference," Mr Notaras said. "You have made a difference to our lives with your courage and capacity to move on," Mr Notaras said.
The President: "I would like to thank you all for your care and patience." The President thanked everybody at the hospital, even the cleaners, mentioning one cleaner, a "humble man" who he thought was from Sudan.
The President joked with a doctor about his long hair, thinking at first he was a rock musician. President: "I thank you all for your kindness. Of course I don't forget the Australian doctors in Dili at the Aspen Medical Centre who looked after me in the critical minutes when I was taken to the centre. If that centre had not been there I don't know what would have happened. I would have gone to the Dili National Hospital where there are doctors of different nationalities...they would have taken care of me but I don't know they have the equipment the Aspen Medical Centre has. I remember every detail from the moment I was shot. I remember everything...the ambulance...a very old battered ambulance. No paramedic. A Portuguese special police unit, GNR...luckily it had a paramedic who jumped in the ambulance and gave me the first assistance. On the way to the heliport (Aspen) I fell off the chair a few times because there were no belts. I remember even though I was bleeding I was holding on tight. And I was telling the driver - go slow. But maybe he was wise because it was only a matter of minutes for me to arrive there (Aspen). And then I arrived here in your hands. I thank all of you." At this point the President fought back tears and put his hands to his face. He appeared unable to speak for 20 seconds. A nurse: "You have done very well." President: "Thank-you."
The President handed out several more gifts before walking unassisted from the hospital. The President spoke to journalists at the door of the hospital. President: "I am very much indebted to Australia and the Timorese people. I have been treated very well...professionally." Asked if he was looking forward to returning home, the President said: "I will be here for a few more weeks because I need additional therapy for a quick recovery." A journalist asked if the President had a message for Timor. President: "My message to my people is please forgo violence and hatred with weapons, machetes, with arson - we only destroy each other and the country. I thank the people here. There are so many thousands of people in Timor - the bishops, the priests, the nuns, the common people who have prayed for me. I thank all of my people. I will be back soon."
The President then spoke to a journalist from TVTL, the Timorese national television, in Tetun. The journalist said later the President appealed to the rebel leader Gastao Salsinha to surrender. It would be in his best interest to do so (this is paraphrasing. I have no direct quotes of what the President said in Tetun). The President walked to a waiting car and was driven away.

*I always knew he was a standup guy

.....

Small Earthquake In Chile. Not Many Hurt.

2008-03-18T20:13:00.004+09:00

Well, what a week it’s been for us media junkies.
On the same day and at the same time I managed to get copies of both ‘THE Dili Weekly’ and ‘Guide Post Magazine’. The next 17 minutes were pure bliss as I inhaled the contents of both publications.
Headline of the year, anywhere, goes to ‘THE Dili Weekly’ for:
“Liquica OK aside from murders, rapes, witchcraft accusations”.
The article then goes on to describe a normal(ish) month in an East Timorese town. I’ll retype the article here if there is any demand.
Once again there are some (in my view) excellent (and not so excellent) editorials in the ‘paper. For my reader who lives in Dili I cannot recommend the ‘paper highly enough. Anyone out there want to give them a charitable hand on a website? OK, there are some typos and other mistakes but we have to give them a break. They are saying stuff that some of us here would like to say but daren’t. More power to them. Rant over. For the time being.
In the ‘Guide Post Magazine’ feature story I see there were
“Ambivalent views over (Mahatma) Gandhi killer”.
I didn’t even know he was dead. That’s what I like about ‘Guide Post’; News when it happens. Also, and this is very low of me, check the competition in the editorial and then make sure you take a close look at the picture of the ‘Top Cop’.

Have you been reading about ‘Hercules’, the notorious one eyed, one armed Timorese gangster from Jakarta? Why ‘Hercules’? Surely he should be called ‘Nelson’?

Talking of complete and utter bullshit, did anyone see the ABC ‘Foreign Correspondent’ piece the other night about ‘gangland’ Dili? Another ABC insight into East Timor, written on the ‘plane over here and filmed to fit the pre-conceived script. Total bollocks. I can assure anyone who saw the film that the Timorese guy most heavily featured in it is sorry that he had anything to do with it. I personally witnessed him metaphorically whipping himself in contrition last night.

.....

Wimmin

2008-03-14T16:44:00.001+09:00

This is worth reading.

....

Raining Cats and Dogs. I Just Stepped in a Poodle.

2008-03-11T11:50:00.004+09:00

A friend recently contacted me to let me know that he thought it unfair that I only show a picture of one of my dogs on this blog. So, as a one off, here are some pictures of my other dogs.

The patchwork brown and white dog is Bandit. He is a very morose dog. We think this is due to severe trauma whilst in the womb (you know who you are Gazontapede). He also has a bad front right leg due to him trying to eat it off.
The red dog cooling his balls on the white tiles is Sickboy. He was born with parvo, got over that, then got run over by a Pajero (mine) and broke his hip and then he had distemper. A very sweet dog with a tendency to give you an all-over wash. Doris you know. A 'barky' little dog with a lovely temprement. Unless you are in uniform and/or carrying a gun.

Doris, Sickboy and Bandit

Bandit and Sickboy, brothers.

Bandit with a bad leg, Sicky cooling his 'aggots and Doris looking on.

....

Food and Drinking

2008-03-11T00:23:00.004+09:00

My favourite foods in Dili at the moment:

Carpaccio at Cafe Brazil. Fantastic raw beef.

The fusion rolls at Gion. California comes to Dili.

Any of the salads with rocket (no, not him, I mean arugala) at Motion.

Mrs. Macs pies at Tiger fuels.

.......

Oh, and Motion have the best Gin and Tonics I have tried outside of my house.

The Hunt Is On

2008-03-11T00:03:00.006+09:00

Have a look at the post on this blog.

I had a very interesting couple of days last week. On Wednesday a friend from Darwin called me and told me to be on ‘standby’ for a job coming up over the next few days. I was to go up near Gleno on short notice and photograph, hopefully, the surrender of Gastao Salsinha and the rest of his men. At about 8.30pm on Thursday night a couple of PNTL cars pulled up outside my house and I got in one of the cars for quite a hair-raising drive through the night up into the hills. After a few heavily manned and heavily armed check-points we got to a house in Gleno at about midnight. Around the house were about 40 or so PNTL, a whole bunch of 4-wheel drive vehicles and a lot of weapons. Inside the house were the Prosecutor, an experienced negotiator and a bottle of Johnny Walker Black. Oh yeah, and a recently surrendered ‘rebel’. We had a chat, drank the Scotch and all went to bed around 1am’ish.
At 4am it was up and at ‘em. Our large convoy set off into the hills and arrived at our destination around 6am. I’m not allowed to say where it was but it was absolutely stunning. The buildings were traditional Timorese, the views were breath-taking and the people in the tiny village were lovely. Remember, around 40 or so heavily armed men had just roared into their village early in the morning. The people there made coffee for all of us with freshly baked rolls.
Written messages were sent from the Prosecutor up to Salsinha and back again by runner, it was a very slow process. Around about 3pm we were told that the man would not surrender today. The Prosecutor got on his satellite ‘phone, called acting President ‘Lasama’ and told him that Parliament should not wait up as the main guest would not be arriving that day.
I traveled back to Dili with the Swiss negotiator and I must say he was very saddened by the day’s results or lack thereof. I agree with him. I feel now that the f-FDTL will be unleashed to hunt down Salsinha and the rest of his men. I have heard that there are up to 350 f-FDTL in the area and they were all issued with up to 300 rounds each two weeks ago in a ceremony in the stadium. I also noticed today our Timorese navy boat heading west past Dili. I remember in June 2006 this same boat opened fire on Alfredo Reinado and his men at Tibar. For those of you that remember this was the same vessel that Alfredo originally commanded! Oh the irony.

And I didn't get the picture.......

Our intrepid Navy heads west

.....

Controversial? Moi? I Wish I Could Be

2008-03-04T22:10:00.003+09:00

Is this guy for real?
"The President of the Social Democratic Party (PSD), Mario Viegas Carrascalão, believes the attacks against PR Ramos-Horta and PM Xanana Gusmão to have been caused by an international political conspiracy.“Maybe the groups doing the attack were backed by some people. There were rumours that there was USD20000 found in Alfredo’s pocket when he died. Some people may have given him this money before he died, or put the money in his pocket after he died. His body may have been dumped in Metiaut after being shot in another place,” said Mr. Carrascalão. Carrascalão also reiterated his desire for Timor-Leste to establish an International Independent Commission of Inquiry to investigate the events shrouded in so much mystery. "
So what do you want exactly Mario? An International Commission of Inquiry to investigate what you believe is an International conspiracy? Or are you, as usual, saying the first thing that comes into your head just to make sure you get some publicity and also manage to spread a little shit in the hope that it sticks?

Curfew and All That.
I have to say I love it. I know that is completely selfish but I just can’t help it. As I’ve said before, I get a good night’s sleep and all the rest of the benefits but I would also be interested to see the burglary and robbery figures for the past few weeks compared to the 3 weeks prior to February 11th. Now I know a curfew is a bit harsh to get the crime figures down but I bet it works. You know what they say: “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. Maybe a benevolent dictator is what’s needed for a few years. Then again, maybe the burglary/robbery figures will be evened out by the number of Timorese (and some Malae) who have been punched in the face for being 'too close to curfew' by our ever vigilant security forces.

Dear National Security Forces.
Instead of sticking M16’s in the faces of terrified taxi drivers whilst screaming and pulling off their tinted car window screens, why don’t you lead by example and take the tints off your own vehicles? And put some fucking number plates on your cars while you’re at it. Just a friendly suggestion in the sacred name of public relations.

A Man Apart
It’s good to see that JRH is up and walking around. Not bad for a man of his age and a couple of high velocity rounds. Maybe it’s about time another former Minister got out of his hospital bed, walked around and considered coming home to his country. I’m sure he would get a very warm welcome.

Words that should be banned in Timor Leste, in ANY language:
Consultation (if it means appeasment)
Reconciliation (see above)
Dialogue (see above above)
Workshop (unless used in the context of light engineering)
Justice (unless you really really mean it).

A Breath Of Fresh Air
For my Dili based reader I can do no more than recommend that you go out each Thursday morning and try to hunt down a copy of a new newspaper, the Dili Weekly. I wish I could put a link to this publication but unfortunately they do not have a web site yet. If there is anyone out there who could offer their services FREE as a website designer/host etc I bet they would jump at the opportunity.
The Dili Weekly is a 24 page newspaper, published in English and Tetum, 12 pages each language. The Tetum version is a translation of some of the English and vice-versa. I suspect that the editorials and the major political stories are written in English and translated into Tetum and the more ‘community based’ and local court pieces are Tetum/English. For myself I can say that it is an absolute pleasure to read some ‘real’ news, some excellent editorials and know that the East Timorese now have access to some real journalism. Below is a scanned version of a recent editorial. I suspect it says what a lot of us living here are thinking but for various reasons cannot say. I also respect the integrity and courage of the publishers and journalists working on the paper. It’s about time. I have scanned in below the most recent editorial (with the writters permission).
Again, for my Dili based reader if you want to know where to get a copy, or better still advertise in the paper, you can call 7365432 for details of distribution or 7313854 for advertising. And no, I am not getting anything for this plug. I just think it’s a worthy cause.
Well,,,,,, I tried to upload it in a fairly big format but the system just wouldn't let me. So, for my overseas reader (that's you, 'worried momma') I'll type the whole thing out for you. Now that's dedication:
Opinion
Optimism Turns Sour As Salsinha Walks Free. Jesse Wright, Editor.
"Since Alfredo Alves died two weeks ago there has been a steady stream of speculation as to who would be the next in line. As though this country would be lost without some sort of forest rebel leader.
Of course the follow up to this question was, would Gastao Salsinha be able to live up to his predecessor? Would he be able to continue the fight?
Unusually for me I allowed myself a bit of careless optimism and I hypothesized that one one would replace Alves. I suggested Timor would have learned its lesson and would actually hunt Salsinha down and catch him without delay. I assumed Timor would do everything it could to avoid a repeat of the Alves incident.
I stand corrected.
It weeks later and any every journalist who gives enough of a damn to go to Ermera has been able to locate Salsinha and splash his rebel face on TV screens (and newspapers and radios) around the world. Meanwhile those tasked with his capture stand by.
I understand and applaud SRSG Atul Khare's position that dialog (sic) and peaceful surrender is better than a firefight. Who could argue with that? It's the sort of position position (sic) befitting the United Nations.
What I do not understand is the government's ready acquiescence to such advice despite its own promises to the contrary. Both Prime Minister Xanana Gusmao as well as interim President Araujo have said the time for talk is over. At the inauguration of the joint command last week Gusmao made a particularly impassioned speech in which he said he would not tolerate the rebels and that their time is over.
But is it? The weekend came and went with no outward sign of change. Salsinha, meanwhile, was available by phone and in person should one need a sound byte.
This whole situation smacks of history repeating itself. The last time we tried to negotiate with egotistical rebel leaders, President Jose Ramos-Horta ended up hospitalized. Salsinha himself is allegedly responsible for at least three bullet holes in the PM's car. Remember? What must the man do before the country makes a serious effort to stop him?
The way the situation new stands, Salsinha has nothing to win by turning himself in and has everything to win by "hiding" in Ermera. His leverage comes at the price of security; because he is a security risk the government is willing to negotiate with him. Should he walk into a police station and turn over his gun, he'd be just another guy in jail and any negotiation after that would likely be in court. If he looks at his own situation logically then he will realize there is no benefit to surrender at present. He might surrender in a year or two - following some protracted dialog (sic) process - in exchange for a wildly underserved pardon or. But in any case, who really believes dialog (sic) with egotistical rebel leaders results in a safer country? Is it too much to suggest that dialog (sic) should be given only to peaceful petitioners who do not pose a security risk for the state? Apparently it is."
Three cheers for the Dili Weekly....

Conspiracy theory #3200174
Has anyone questioned Timor Telecom yet?

...........

Obrigado Giant Panda

2008-02-23T15:35:00.000+09:00

Check this out

....

Bits 'N Pieces

2008-02-22T23:45:00.005+09:00

I am not going to name any names in this post. Instead, in the grand tradition of the Chief Prosecutor, I am going to use initials only.

I want to say how very happy I am that JRH is recovering and has managed to say a few words to his family. I have shed some tears for him and I wish him well.

It was reported in some newspapers last weekend that JRH was awake and that his first words were “don’t shoot, don’t shoot”. It was also reported that AP, the former Mrs. JRH, was at his bedside at the time. (I do not believe these reports).

A nice little Dili joke that I found over at Rai Ketak:
The signs up at the Dili Zoo
Before 1975: Please do not feed the animals
Between 1975-1999: Please do not take the animals’ food
Between 1999-2002: Please bring the animals food and UNTAET will give you three dollars and some expensive food
Between 2002-2007: Please do not take the animals’ food and please do not eat the animals.

It has come to my attention that during the past 10 days or so a certain person has been passing himself off as a ‘journalist’ and using fake ID. This fake ID has been used to get into Obrigado barracks, the Airport Tarmac on the morning KR arrived, the Heliport when KR was there and most alarmingly a 'real journalist' with the initials PT who works for ‘The Australian’ used the fake ID to get into the government building when KR and XG were there. I’m not really bothered about the security aspect here. What concerns me is that a journalist from a major Australian newspaper walks around the world with no ID whatsoever.

Mnemonic – Now there’s a funny word. Pity I can never remember it.

Some News To Cheer Us All – A chap I know, we’ll call him D, told me a story in FB’s the other evening. D was driving home from work recently after a very bad day and had just passed the Comoro bridge when he got rocked. D was in his own car so he was a bit pissed off. D jumped out of the car, picked up a nice big rock and hoyed it back. The rock hit the scrote in the back of the head (they were running away) and his two mates had to carry him off. As he said to me “If I told anyone, the wouldn’t believe me”. Well, I believe him. And it gladdened my heart.

TMR – The words ‘eating your’ ‘it cake’ and ‘having’ spring to mind.

The Curfew – I understand that from tomorrow, 23/2/08, the ‘State of Emergency’ will be extended by 30 days. Also the curfew time will change from 2000-0600 to 2200-0600 (that’s 10pm to 6am for normal people).
The curfew hours havn’t really bothered me. In fact I’ve quite liked them. No sound at night except breaking waves; no fear of getting burgled, no rocks on the roof. Curfew! Bring it on! But I’ve always been a selfish bastard.
The curfew is affecting some of my mates in different ways. One guy runs a 24hour place and so is obviously losing money. Another guy runs a car-hire company and the curfew actually helps him because there is less wear-and-tear on the car and less chance of having an accident. There are also all the restaurants and bars which close at 8pm (2000 to the anal) but the staff still have to get home. It’s a lot easier at the check-points if you are a Malae than if you are Timorese.

Has anyone talked to Mossad?

A Nightmare Scenario:
It’s 8.45am. It’s the Comoro road at the traffic lights next to the Heliport and Tiger. There is an f-FDTL convoy of 5 vehicles heading east very quickly on the Comoro road. The vehicles have heavily armed and adrenalin charged f-FDTL troops inside them. Coming quickly from the other direction is a convoy of 6 PNTL vehicles with heavily armed and adrenalin charged PNTL on board. The two lead vehicles of each convoy collide at the traffic lights. One or two f-FDTL or PNTL are killed in the accident. There is an ISF convoy waiting at the lights from the Heliport. Now write your own script.

It’s just a thought to send us all to bed.

.....

Some Good News

2008-02-20T09:14:00.000+09:00

Giant Panda is back

.....

Meeja News

2008-02-16T11:44:00.002+09:00

First, the good news. I have it from the highest source, (UN press officer) that journalists are exempt from the curfew. Apparently we are ‘essential’ personnel and our movements should not be restricted. So big ‘hoorays’ from the bar owners of Dili.

Now the bad news. Australian journalists have to be the worst dressed news-gatherers I have ever encountered so I’ve decided to help them out with a few ‘conflict zone’ fashion tips. Recent events have understandably changed the life-styles of many people in Dili but this is no reason to stop dressing in an appropriate and tasteful manner.

Camera-operators: Whilst baggy ‘Hot Tuna’ shorts and t-shirts are comfortable and appropriate for running around in the heat and mud chasing APC’s and rebels you may well be called on in the next minute to shoot an interview with a Prime Minister or visiting dignitary. Shorts and t-shirts are too informal for this sort of job. Also the floppy hat only looks good on the GNR.

Correspondents: First of all, synthetics are a big no-no. This is a hot and humid place and unsightly stains on a piece-to-camera are liable to put viewers off their tea. Also denim. Jeans only look good on teenagers. Ditch those faded blue numbers and go for a nice pair of chinos instead. Oh and ladies, jeans + heat + ‘ride-up’ = A very unsavory sight.
I would say the best option for most on-camera correspondents would be to try and use Adrian Brown of Channel 7 as a role model.

Photographers: We all saw the pool snapper who came over with the Rudd entourage yesterday. This is NOT a good look. It’s the ‘I really wish these cameras were guns’ look. A utility belt Batman would have envied, camera jacket festooned with bits and pieces hanging off, wraparound sunnies, cargo pants with pockets bulging and of course everything, absolutely everything, was black. Every time he looked at me I didn’t know whether to smile and say ‘cheese’ or put my hands up and surrender. So, snappers. The ‘Rambo’ look is not on. Not only can it be dangerous, it makes you look like a total dork.

The perfect ensemble from the feet up: Doc Marten shoes, black. Very comfortable, hard wearing and acceptable in formal situations. Dark trousers made of good strong cotton. Plain t-shirt tucked into trousers. Good cotton/linen/silk dress shirt worn unbuttoned and outside the trousers. There are practical reasons for this look. The t-shirt soaks up the sweat when ‘in the field’ and the shirt can be buttoned up and tucked in for those for formal interviews and PTC’s. Accessories: I find the Gerber multi-tool the best of the bunch. The Gerber wins over the Leatherman because of the handy corkscrew. Essential.

So, lets all take a closer look at ourselves and smarten up a bit. God knows you can all afford it. Remember, there is a world outside of Tar-get and army surplus stores.

…………..

A nice piece at this link.

2008-02-13T23:12:00.002+09:00

A funny old day. I’ve been working for the press for the past 3 days so most of what I may have to say here would be old news anyway so I think I’ll just tell you a couple of personal stories.
The TV company I am working for at the moment is not exactly the most viewed network in Australia but their news is certainly the best. There are 3 of us. The correspondent, the cameraman and me. Today, the award winning correspondent I am working with told me that at 4.15pm we "have to be at the airport to pick up the flak jackets and helmets’. “No worries” I said, ‘how many are there?” – “Two of each” replied my colleague. You do the math. Moral: Get a binding contract or some good insurance if you live in East Timor.
Went to Alfredo’s step-fathers house in Dili this afternoon. Alfredo’s body is there at the moment and tomorrow, at 10am, he will be buried. He is going to be buried in the grounds of the house and not in Maubisse as previously thought apparently because the security risk would be too great if the funeral cortege had to pass Xanana’s house, which it would. When we got there about 400 people were already present to pay their last respects. The biggest percentage of these 400 were young boys. The whole affair was very low key, sombre and dignified. The boys accounted for themselves impeccably.
I would also like to say that from a personal point of view the f-FDTL and the PNTL have reacted to recent events with the greatest of professionalism and restraint. If you had asked me on Sunday what their reaction to events of the following morning might have been my answer would have been very very negative. Sometimes it is an absolute pleasure to be proved wrong.
Is it really Wednesday? It actually feels like Monday night.
I love the curfew. I am getting a good nights sleep. The dogs are not barking at drunks walking past at all hours, the boys are not across the road imitating guitar players with crap singing voices and I can sleep sound in the knowledge that I won’t get burgled. All we need now is for the curfew to be applied to barking dogs with a shoot on sight clause and I might be able to forgo my afternoon nap. Heaven forbid.
Right, going to bed now. Big day tomorrow. We’ve got the funeral, something I can’t tell you about, a beef stew delivery, a hotel change, preps for Rudd’s visit on Friday, various pressers, a trip to the airport to pick up the flak jackets that customs wouldn’t give us today (even though neither of them is my size), the weekly shop to do (life must go on) and lots of well oiled stories to tell each other.
What I would leave you with though, for the avid Timor watchers, is to make sure you read the Sydney Morning Herald tomorrow for a very interesting story about the events of Monday morning.

……

Update

2008-02-11T18:15:00.000+09:00

Go to THIS LINK for an excellent and breath-taking account of events this morning at Robert F. Kennedy Boulevard.

.....

Update

2008-02-11T13:52:00.001+09:00

A bit of an update. So far we have heard that JRH has been shot twice, with at least one round entering his abdomen. Apparently he underwent surgery here in Dili at the ISF hospital at the heliport. He will be/is being flown to Darwin for more treatment.
Re the attack on his house. As speculated earlier, it seems that the attack was carried out during JRH's normal morning walk/run. A friend who lives about 300 metres away reported a fire-fight occuring at about 0650 this morning. From various wires/radio sources it appears that two vehicles drove by and then opened fire. Radio Timor Leste is reporting that Alfredo Reinado was indeed killed in the shootout but rather than being an attacker he was in fact a guest at JRH's house and had been there for upto a week and ran out of the house during the attack to try and stop it and was killed in the crossfire. A contact at Dili hospital confirms two dead were brought to the hospital, neither of whom whas Alfredo. The Deputy PM is saying that three people were killed in the attack so maybe Alfredo was among them and not taken to Dili hospital. We are also hearing about an attack on a convoy containing Prime Minister Gusmao roughly 30 minutes after the attack on JRH.
I have had a bit of a trawl around Dili in the past few hours and here are some observations:
Conspicuous by their absence: UN police cars outside Castaways and Dili Beach Hotel.
Conspicuous by their absence: Extra security at the TV and radio station (if this was a coup attempt these places should both have extra guards).
Conspicuous by their absence: Malae in Dili centre, apart from security forces.
Conspicuous by the non-absence: Many Timorese on the streets, expecially in central Dili but not many people on the street in my area. Maybe the news hasn't filtered down yet.

I think the next 24 hours could be very interesting. We have done the usual and bought in essential supplies: beer/fags/water etc. and the press are on the way....... Once again, not a hotel room to be had in Dili....

....

Oh My!

2008-02-11T09:53:00.000+09:00

Well, here we go again. It appears that Jose Ramos Horta, President of TL has been wounded in an attack on his home this morning. There are also stories going around that Alfredo Reinado, the rebel soldier wanted for, amongst other things attempted murder, was killed in the attack. This rumour is un-confirmed.
The ‘phones are ringing like billyo and SMS messages are ruling the airwaves right now. We heard about the attack at around 7.45am’ish, still then unconfirmed. As staff arrived we sent them home. Now we are getting ready for possible repercussions. If indeed Alfredo has been killed then we wonder how the boys in Dili, some of whom worship Alfredo as a freedom fighter, will react. It looked to us as though word was getting around at about 8.30’ish. Everything went quiet and the streets pretty much cleared.
This is purely speculation but with the timing of the attack and some reports saying that two vehicles drove by the house and opened fire, and it is an open secret in Dili that JRH would go for his morning run/walk around this time, maybe the would-be assassins chose their moment carefully.
Anyway it’s been a while since I last posted anything, but, it looks as if we may be in for some more ‘interesting times’. I really hope not.

Perspectives

2007-12-29T16:38:00.000+09:00

I have received quite a few SMS messages from people commiserating with us for our Christmas Eve burglary and as you may have noticed a few comments on the post also saying basically the same thing.
I do appreciate the sympathy but we have to get things into perspective. I read a report from a town near Seattle about a family of 6 gunned down in their beds. Two toddlers, their parents and grand-parents.
On Christmas day apparently a grandfather playing cricket with his family on a beach in Western Australia was clubbed to death in front of them over a row over some beer.
And of course there is Iraq, Afghanistan, Darfur etc etc. The list goes on and on, just fill in your own locations.
Now for a comi-tragic story of Christmas.
My friend Henry, an irascible old sod at the best of times, got a ‘phone call from a friend of his, Lisa, to say that her dad, who has been in Dili General hospital for a couple of weeks, was fading fast and could Henry do anything to help. Henry arranged with Dr. Dan (another local hero) for a bed at Dan’s clinic and set off for the hospital with Lisa to pick up the old boy and take him somewhere more comfortable. Upon arriving at the hospital they were told that the old boy had died and could they please arrange to take the body away! ‘Of course’ said Henry, ‘give us the forms to fill in and an ambulance to take him way, no worries’. Well, longish story short, no forms to fill in, no ambulance to transport the old codger. So, Henry and Lisa washed the body, picked up the old guy and carried him out to Henry’s pick-up. They placed him sitting upright in the back seat and set off for Lisa’s home. So, there’s H, driving along with a dead ‘un in the back, looking in his rear-view mirror and being met with the icy stare of the newly departed. As Henry said, what would he say to any spotty faced 18 year-old ISF soldier if they were stopped at one of our frequent checkpoints. You’ve gotta laugh. The funeral was on Christmas Day.
Now for the ‘perspective’ angle.
All we had stolen on Christmas Eve was stuff. That was it, we can always replace stuff. Of course there is the feeling of violation and intrusion but worse than that is the hate I felt for the people that carried out the robbery. Now I’ve calmed down, and turned Chateau Sod into a stalag, much like the Aussie embassy compound, the hate has gone and believe it or not I actually feel sorry for the boys that robbed us. We know who they are but can prove nothing; they are between 16 and 22 years old. Try and imagine what they saw in late ’99. Militia and TNI rampaging through the streets, the UN abandoning them, relatives killed in front of them, their houses burnt, in some cases their sisters and mothers taken away. Imagine the contempt they must have for their current leaders and the Law when they see people like Rogerio Lobato, freed from prison in August for 30 days to have medical treatment in Malaysia, still there and apparently now a well man. People like ‘Major’ Alfredo Reinado, a prison escapee, who shot at unarmed police officers, who turned to an SBS camera and said ‘got him’ with relish after firing at the same unarmed police officers, still in the hills, heavily armed, dictating terms to the ‘Government’.
No wonder these boys think they can get away with anything. And why shouldn’t they when their ‘leaders’ set such an example.
Rant over and that’s off my chest.

Your comments are invited…….

ps - they also got our iron, so if you see Mr. and Mrs. Sod around town looking a bit dishevelled, you know the reason why.

Ho Ho Bloody Ho

2007-12-26T11:22:00.000+09:00

Well, I hope you all had a very merry and peaceful Christmas. Except the little gits who burgled our house on Christmas Eve. I hope they get blinding hangovers from the booze they stole from us.
On Monday night, the 24th, I left the house at about 7pm to go and get more Xmas supplies. Returning around 8.30pm I noticed that two cases of golden nectar (Tiger) were no longer in the place I had left them. I assumed someone had put them away in a tidy place. Wrong assumption. Waking up on Christmas morn I tried to locate said Tigers with no luck. I also noticed the back door was unlocked and standing partly open. Upon investigation we found that as well as the Tiger’s, a bottle of Gordon’s gin, a nice expensive pair of binoculars and all of our spare keys were missing. Being very quick off the mark we realized we had been burgled. Nice work Sherlock. Determined not to let this event ruin the day I quickly sped off to Dili Cold Storage and repurchased the booze.
Around midday, M, who uses the spare bedroom, came round with goodies and Christmas cheer. The Christmas cheer didn’t last long though. We told M that we had been burgled and upon checking the room she discovered that around USD 450.00 was missing from her purse along with a couple of credit cards. Bugger. The plod were called, they arrived promptly and statements and a list of stolen goods were taken.
We then did a little investigation and assumption of our own. It appears the scrotes had climbed over our VERY high wall, cut through the mosquito net on an open window and entered the house that way. They were obviously very very good at this because Mrs. Sod happened to be in the house alone at the time and she didn’t have any inkling that we had uninvited guests creeping around.
The theft of the money and goods I am not too worried about. They are just ‘things’ and can easily be replaced. What worries me most and makes my blood boil is the fact that at least two villains were in my house with my wife who was alone. It is also obvious that the scrotes had at least one knife for cutting through the mozzy net. I hate to think of what might have happened had Mrs. Sod encountered them. This also means that if during the night we should have intruders I will assume they are armed and things could go very very wrong.
The result of this event is that we now have to do something we have been trying to avoid. I will have to make the place look like a prison camp, razor wire all round, broken glass on top of the walls and a sturdy hitting implement by the bed.
Another interesting thing about this incident is that our dogs, 3 of them, didn’t start barking up a fuss. They are normally very good about letting us know when we have uninvited guests in the place. We can only assume that the perps either knew the dogs or they drugged them in some way. We suspect the later because the dogs were very off their food that night and were quite docile. At the time we put it down to the Christmas spirit but now we think they had been ‘got at’.
So, if anyone out there in Dili happens to see some drunken guys with possibly a half bottle of gin and a pair of binoculars with ‘FF’ inscribed on them, please give me a call and I will arrive promptly with some big mates and a bad attitude.

Seasons greetings to all and good will to most………

'Plane Speaking

2007-12-20T10:24:00.000+09:00

Announcement by pilot of the 'plane which brought SG Moon from Bali to Dili

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard this UN flight from Denpassar to Dili. As I am sure you are aware, we have a Very Important Person on board today, the Secretary General of the United States...." Doh!

Embarrassed silence ensued.

Ban Ki-Moon

George W. Bush

UN Pilot

Overheard on my verandah recently:

"There are some things a man just can't walk around" (I think that was actually Gary Cooper)

"I can make cheesecakes on auto-pilot"

"You can't put the shit back into the horse"

..........

Some Things Are Just Meant To Be

2007-11-30T11:04:00.000+09:00

Please supply your own captions, but I do believe I can see a small pink tongue obsequiously licking
the English hand. (What do you think Knackers?)

....

Safe In Our Beds

2007-11-30T09:23:00.000+09:00

Taken from Australia’s ‘Herald Sun’ November 29 2007
"AN EAST Timorese court has convicted four military officers of the murder of eight unarmed police in May last year.
A group of soldiers fired on the police as United Nations officers tried to broker a peace deal between the two sides near the mission's office in the capital Dili.
The court sentenced the four soldiers to between 10 and 12 years' imprisonment and acquitted seven other soldiers and one policemen."

Taken from UNMIT Media monitoring, Thursday 29 November 2007
"Heavy weapons for the F-FDTL to arrive next month.
The State Secretary of Defence, Julio Thomas Pinto, said that special weapons, to be used by the F-FDTL for night operations, will arrive in December.“The purchase was part of the program of 20:20, along side the establishment of a munitions store and a military court that the government runs, to develop the nation’s defence forces,” said Mr. Pinto on Wednesday (28/11) in the Government Palace, Dili.The State Secretary also said that the program of 20:20 was planned by the previous government, but the current government has a commitment to make it happen. (TP)"

Comments invited.............

Flights Of Fancy?

2007-11-16T01:06:00.000+09:00

The Following is taken from ABC Radio Australia

Baggage handlers and check-in staff at East Timor's international airport are considering interrupting commercial flights between Australia and Dili as part of an employment dispute.The staff employed by Total Aviation Services are demanding extra pay for servicing charter flights operated by the Patricks Corporation.A spokesman for the baggage handlers, Alex Pereira, says if something isn't done about their employer within a week they are considering interrupting flights, including flights operated by Air North from Darwin

You have to feel sorry for the poor sods. I mean, two flights a day from Darwin, with at least 30 passengers on each will wear anybody out.

....

Power To The People

2007-11-07T11:43:00.000+09:00

Well, here it is folks, the piece of machinery we all love to hate. Below is the reason for those tired red eyes, unshaven faces and quick tempers. Apparently we are getting a bunch of new ones from Indonesia, along with about 25 technicians to keep the things going. Personally I’d say send in blokes with names like ‘Rocket’, ‘Cookie’ and ‘Mr. Generator’ and get the job done for just three slabs of VB.

Too easy, no worries, she’ll be right!!

....

Shell Shock

2007-11-06T13:00:00.000+09:00

So, come on, who’s buying this stuff? I can’t believe any Timorese is going to pay $20.00 for a turtle shell. The only people that are going to buy this are Malae. There is a maximum $50,000 and/or up to 5 years in jail (with time off for medical treatment in Malaysia) for buying or selling corals or turtle shell or turtle shell products. Before we had our bit of trouble last year the PNTL and MAFF were very good at explaining to Timorese the consequences of buying and selling this stuff. Obviously priorities have changed a bit since then, so it’s up to the Malae NOT to buy it. We all watch Discovery channel, Animal Planet and all the rest. We know we shouldn’t buy it. So, if anyone reading this is buying it; BLOODY WELL STOP IT NOW and if you know of anyone buying it, tell them to STOP! By the way, the stall pictured above is the one just before the Hera turnoff on the beach road.

You know it makes sense.

……….

The Wages Of Sun

2007-11-02T12:33:00.000+09:00

Overheard on my verandah one evening this week:

"Do you know, I've got to stop working for people and not charging them the hours"

"Mate, it's a good job you don't do overtime then, otherwise you'd go broke!"

........

A Viking Funeral

2007-11-02T12:07:00.001+09:00

Well, wasn’t Wednesday a treat. Sitting here bored, not much work, just a bit of routine maintainence and loafing around when who should call, but that well known local character, Rocket. “Mate, get yer arse down to the harbour, there’s a boat alite and she’s goin’ like a good ‘un”.
Well, who could resist. Myself and Ben got a couple of Tigers and drove down to the harbour to watch the spectacle. And it was truly something. We parked up at the lighthouse (Farol) and watched the boat (see pic below, with thanks to ‘Timor Online’, and I’m not gonna pay any royalties, so sue me) drifting backwards and forwards, side to side etc in the prevailing wind. Now, we watched this for about 4 hours in total. Hundreds of people gathered on the shore, a lovely afternoon out. The new government should lay on this type of entertainment more often.
Now, all of this got me to thinking. I do sometimes. While we were watching it was obvious that the PNTL, UNPol’s and the ISF had neither a clue nor any orders on what to do. There was obviously no plan in place for this sort of maritime eventuality. Most of the ‘officials’ there were just basically doing the same as the rest of us. Taking happy snaps.
So, my proposal. Couldn’t some enterprising UN person, I know there are some, coordinate some sort of maritime emergency scheme. Nearly all of the boats in the harbour on Wednesday were privately owned and operated. It was the owner/operators and local ET guys who actually got the commercial boats out of the way of the burning ship. Also, being a port city, we frequently have small(ish) maritime emergencies. Nearly every February and March someone with a boat (a dive company or fishing charter) will get a call saying there is a boat foundering between Atuaro and the mainland and can you go and rescue the people in the dugout?
Is there a person who coordinates disaster/mishap relief.?You know, earthquakes, tsunamis, flooding, that type of thing. Maybe this person should get the ‘phone numbers of the boat owner/operators, keep them handy and when we do have a bit of a calamity on they can organize the boats collectively rather than the ‘every man for himself’ situation that we have at the moment.

Anyway, its just a thought.

…………..

By the way, I happened to spot a few Norwegians down there, tears in their eyes, saying things to each other like "when I go, will you make sure I go like that please Thor?"

About Time

2007-10-23T10:01:00.000+09:00

Well, I suppose a post is well overdue. The past few weeks have been very very busy (at least comparatively so) in the tourism business here. We have had an influx of backpackers and genuine dive tourists. One lady saw an article in a dive magazine and was so captivated she flew from Prague to Dili to sample the diving. Upon the completion of her holiday she declared that ‘East Timor has the best diving I have ever seen!’ Not a bad plug. It’s now whale season and we have been spying an increasing number of cetaceans recently. A few lucky people have also been diving and snorkeling with a dugong down at K41.
I was going to write about the Timor Telcom fiasco of last week but I don’t really have much to say on it. Once again TT showed just how pathetically incompetent they really are with absolutely no regard whatsoever for the customer.
The streets seem to have returned to ‘normal’ at the moment, with very few incidents of rock throwing, fighting etc. Most incidents that I’ve seen or heard of seem to be more juvenile criminal activity rather than anything more sinister or political (is that tautology?). There was a bit of a kafuffle on Saturday night at Tiger fuels but that was more of a little gang related thing than anything else.
A few old friends have returned to ET and it’s really good to see them, especially the Gozontopede and the big blond German. Oh, and welcome back Squatter. I’m glad to see the budgie smuggler problem has been resolved. Still, I understand it was a fairly small problem in the first place.
That’s about it really. I’ll try to update my posting with a bit more Dili-gence in the future…….

………

Great New ET Tourism Directory

2007-10-17T13:35:00.000+09:00

Please check out the following site for excellent information about getting around and enjoying East Timor:

http://www.timortourismdirectory.com/index.html

...........

Makes You Think

2007-09-17T21:20:00.000+09:00

At the pub the other night:
Bill (mine host): "You drank 22 beers last Saturday!"
Ben (patron): "Fuck, I must have had a nap."

Johnny The Tooth

2007-09-01T12:46:00.000+09:00

Its story time.

About 2-1/2 years ago a man appeared outside our house. He had a little wooden push-cart with a wobbly wheel and was selling coldish drinks (Fanta) and Garams (kretek ciggies). At the time our street was actually very nice. There were fish-on-stick sellers, chicken-on-stick sellers, people walking up and down selling live mud crabs and lobsters, little stalls selling sweets, water etc etc. These people were from all over the country, East, West and Dili and seemed to get on very well.
Our chap, who we did and still do call Johnny The Tooth (the reason will become apparent later) comes from Baucau and is very very dark. Our local scrotes, who actually were not scrotes then, just cheeky chappies, gave him a very hard time about his colour, his poverty, his looks and just about everything else they could. Johnny was stoic, took it and gave it back when it all got a bit out of hand. We got to admire Johnny very much and would buy Fanta and Garams from him whilst telling him to get some beer and Marlboros in stock as well. I cannot stand Fanta or Garams. Johnny took our advice, started selling beer, of a sort; it was 4X Gold after all, a bit like drinking a bottle of perfume. His profits started increasing; he improved his stock, fixed his wheel, gave the cart a good paintjob and basically turned into an entrepreneur. We get a lot of visitors in our house and most of them like a beer or ten. So, we started teaching Johnny some English and our visitors started to learn some basic Tetum. It was just numbers and ‘Please’ ‘Thank you’ etc in both languages.
Then April May and June happened.
Johnny’s cart used to be parked under a tree which was also the site of a fruit and veg. vendor. The two businesses’s nicely complemented each other. Unfortunately for the fruit and veg. family they also were from the East. Cut a long story short. The fruit and veggie family were burnt out and Johnny was terrorised away. We missed him and were very very worried about him.
About the middle of June I was driving through what was then the new old Comoro market at Pertamina corner when I spotted Johnny sleeping under a sack. He looked bloody awful. He stank, his cloths were rags and he no longer had his cart. He had two packets of Garams for sale, which I bought. While I was talking to him everybody else was gathering around and watching very closely, so to buy the ciggies (1 dollar, 2 packs) I wrapped a fifty dollar bill up in a one dollar bill and gave it to him. The next time I saw him was at a press conference at Fretelin HQ. He looked a lot better and his stock had improved, which of course I bought up there and then. About 10 days ago we encountered Johnny again. He had a new cart, looked smart and was doing good business. The new cart was bought with the money from the Garams.
I’m not sure if there is really a point to this post but I just wanted to point out another, of many many Timorese, who DO NOT WANT THE SHIT THAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. They just want to get on with their lives, in peace, not have to be scared at night, all night, every night and bring up their families as best they can with maybe some help from the State.
Johnny wants to come back to his old pitch but he cannot. He is too terrified.

Johnny The Tooth - What a Guy!

See the post ‘Nothing To Report’ for the story of another local hero.

Bathtime Blues

2007-08-31T18:26:00.000+09:00

Last night I was sitting peacefully in the bath, minding my own business when my wife, Mrs. Sod, came in and sank all my boats.

I thought that was very immature.

……

Shattered Dreams

2007-08-30T22:55:00.000+09:00

Well, I suppose it finally had to happen. After more than a year of driving around Dili and most of the rest of East Timor, often seeking out the trouble spots and deliberately driving into the middle of them I have joined the club. Last night, returning from a favourite thinking spot with two, yes two tourists my windscreen was hit by what has been described in some Security Tree announcements as a ‘High Velocity Projectile’; otherwise known as a rock.
Now I have been rocked before, about six times I think, but those times the HVP either hit the doors or didn’t smash a window. Last night the buggers finally got me. It was about 10.30ish and I was driving along the Comoro road heading east. Just as I got to a certain political party headquarters, between the new Comoro market and the Aussie embassy there was a loud bang and suddenly my windscreen looked a bit like a spider’s web.
Thankfully no-one was hurt, that would have been ironic eh? Just as tourists are starting to trickle back here, putting real dollars into real Timorese hands and not some glorified consultants back pocket a bloody tourist gets clobbered. I can hear the announcements on Strine TV news now: “In a holiday tragedy in strife torn East Timor……etc. etc.
Still, as I say, no-one was hurt, it could have been a lot worse. And at least Dili has an ample stockpile of Hi-Lux windows at the moment. And why should my car look any different than anyone else’s? I reckon people were starting to think I was a bit stuck-up because I didn’t have any sheets of clear plastic taped somewhere on the car. Now I can blend in.

…….
Oh, and check out the new posts on ETJ.

The Whole Tooth and Nothing But

2007-08-27T15:00:00.000+09:00

This is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the incorrigible.
On Friday morning of last week two of my chums, we’ll call ‘em Bill and Ben, kindly took me to the f-FDTL barracks at Metinaro for some dental work. After receiving my treatment one of the chums took me over to see the salt-water crocs the army have in an enclosure. As we approached in our distinctive coloured shirts the big male (see picture) slithered out of his pond, rushed over to the flimsy wire fence, growled, opened his absolutely bloody huge mouth and rested his lower jaw on the fence. Bill, who had his car key in his hand, reached through the wire and extracted a loose tooth (see picture) that was half hanging out. The croc gave a satisfied sigh, closed his mouth and slithered back into his pond. I think Bill must have been having a bit of a Zen moment, because he looked down at the tooth and said “bloody hell, did I just do what I think I just did?”
He truly bloody did. I saw him.

Croc tooth (left) and dog tooth

One of the chums (Bill, left) and croc.

Spot The Difference

2007-08-21T00:48:00.000+09:00

A tasty chart pie made by Mrs. Sod and a tasteful pie chart made by ETJ

See, it’s not just pie in the sky, you can have your cake and eat it.

…..

Glock Watching

2007-08-20T17:26:00.000+09:00

This is a broadcast of the UN Police in Timor-Leste to provide you with information about the security situation around the country.
The security situation in Timor-Leste is still tense.
United Nations police officers (UNPol) in conjunction with the national police of Timor-Leste (PNTL) and the International Stabilisation Force (ISF) remain fully deployed to respond to any disturbances that may occur.
Early this morning in Dili, a security guard was shot in the leg whilst on duty in Delta-2. The facts are still being established, but it is believed that the house he was guarding was being attacked by unknown assailants at around 0150hrs and that, to scare off the assailants, the resident of the house fired a warning shot which ricocheted off the ground and struck the security guard. UNPol have taken the victim to Dili hospital. Police are investigating.
_____________________________________________________

It’s not fair. I thought we were not allowed to have guns. If he’s got a gun I want a gun. A big one. The biggest. It says the gunperson is a resident. I got my residents visa last month, am I entitled to a gun? Anyone know where I can get one? A big one?

Time Is Relative

2007-08-15T09:54:00.001+09:00

Overheard on my verrandah this week (twice!)

Q: "What time is it?"

A: "What, now?"

....

A Weekend Break

2007-08-15T09:48:00.000+09:00

I’ve just spent a couple of days (Saturday and Sunday) in Bacau working for SBS television news, the thinking Australian’s channel of choice (so very small viewing figures there).
I think the accepted cliché for Bacau would have been “quiet but tense’. After an uneventful 2 hour and 14 minute trip (no traffic) we entered a very subdued town. There were Fretilin flags everywhere and the market had only about half the normal number of vendors.
We went upto the UN offices where an NGO were ‘re-locating’ to safer premises at the airport. We also had a bit of a trawl around town, filming the burnt out CRS compound, a destroyed kindergarten and quite a few other destroyed buildings. We were told by UN security that it was too dangerous to travel onto Vicqueque so we went back to the hotel, edited the piece and sent it via satellite from there. We had to order our dinner before 7pm as the staff was all going home as they were too afraid to stay overnight. I was given the keys to the hotel and so we settled down for the night. We didn’t feel at all apprehensive as we had 12 Bangladeshi police, with APC, guarding the hotel overnight.
Up early Sunday morning and off to film Mass at the local church. The main thing I noticed about the church ceremony was that the congregation consisted almost entirely of women, I would say around 97pct.
A few of the flags had been taken down and the atmosphere was a lot more ‘normal’ than the previous day. We went around town, filming here and there and then set off back to Dili. As we drove through the Metinaro IDP camp we were a bit more alert than usual as there had been reports of cars being stoned here. As it happened, most of the people in the camp waved at us, “hello Mr.’ red” us and saw us on our way. We shouldn’t have been so complacent though, as about 5km’s outside of the camp we got rocked! No injuries, slight damage to the car, although if you knew my car you would be hard put to spot the rock marks amidst all the other dents and scratch’s.
Once back in Dili, we edited the piece, sent it off and parked off for the rest of the day.
On Monday we got an interview with Dr. Mari Alkatiri who told us, among other things, that Fretilin would not be boycotting parliament and that they (the Party) strongly condemned any and all violence occurring in their name. Immediately after we had an interview with H.E. JRH who basically said the same thing. This was straight after a meeting between JRH, MA and the SRSG.
There was a few reports on Monday of rock throwing and fighting at the airport, so I was backwards and forwards between there and the town a few times, but it was all very low key compared to the past.
Right now things are very quiet in Dili. Its Assumption day today (whatever that is) so a lot of people will have the day off and I would imagine the day will carry on in this quiet way.
Let’s hope so.

…..

Burning Issues

2007-08-09T11:53:00.000+09:00

Well, for a while there it looked like ‘Here we go again’ but so far, touch wood, today has been relatively quiet. Monday Tuesday and Wednesday were quite interesting but it still had the feel of ‘same old, same old’. The boys were out and about in town, burning tyres, throwing stones and firing arrows. By now most of us know which areas to avoid and when to keep our heads down. They did manage to burn down the customs building but I have yet to meet anyone who actually thinks that was a bad thing. Tax office and Timor Telecom next?
The UNPol’s and the ISF, in my humble opinion, have been doing a sterling job containing any trouble in Dili but things have been a bit hotter in Bacau and Viqueque with reports of burnings, injuries and mass arrests. Not unexpected as those areas are Fretilin strongholds, and, as we all know, the chaps are quite miffed at not being able to form a government despite the fact they did get more votes than any other party but did not win enough seats to actually form a viable government.
Our revered former Interior Minister, Rogerio Lobato, as I write, is still on a ‘plane on the runway at Dili airport and is refusing to get off. He is supposed to be going to Malaysia because of a heart condition that needs treatment. We were betting on prostate trouble, but what the heck, the heart comes a good second. (Shades of Mobuto and Pinochet there?) Our President, H.E. JRH, has seen the medical reports and agrees that he should leave the country for treatment but Lobato’s cousin, Lucia, the new Minister of Justice, has decided that justice must be seen to be done. For those of you with short memories Mr. Rogerio Lobato was sentenced to 7-1/2 years in jail for his part in last years ‘crisis’.
There may be a bit more mayhem on the streets today as I understand the UN are going to condemn Fretilin for not doing enough to quell the events of recent days. So, a few disgruntled scrotes might decide to show their unhappiness. I will try and keep you posted on events as I know I have been a bit lax recently, but, to be honest, not much happened out of the ordinary (what the hell is ordinary here?) over the past couple of months, apart from the elections of course, but I felt ‘East Timor Journal’ and ‘Dili-gence’ portrayed those events far better than I ever could.
______________________________________________________
As I write, a small jet has just taken off from the airport. Don't know who, if anyone, is on board.

....

SMS News

2007-08-08T23:25:00.000+09:00

Sec Tree 1725 – Fighting going on in Tasi Tolu ivo bus port.
Sec Tree 1743 – Stone throwing on Comoro rd ivo Comoro Markets.
Sec Tree 1930 – UN/BC There is a disturbance opposite “Alola” foundation in Mercado Lama area and close to soccer field in Kemea area.
Sec tree 1934 – UN/BC Disturbance near Mercado Lama (ivo Dili stadium roundabout) avoid area
Sec Tree 1958 – Cars being stoned on Comoro Rd between Aust Emb and Lanmark Plaza.
Sec Tree 2000 – UN/BC Disturbance opposite Australian Embassy in Fatuhada area (ROAD-3) and close to UNMIT Transport Compound. Balide area (ROAD-11). Avoid the areas
Sec tree 2110 – Disturbance on Banana Road ivo Hong Kong restaurant (ivo Bario Pite intersection)
Sec Tree 2205 – Disturbance in Balide. Reports of gunshots being heard in the area.

SMS News

2007-08-08T12:03:00.000+09:00

Sec Tree 0750 – Fighting and stone throwing at Airport roundabout. Disturbance in Bebonuk ivo Primary school.
Sec Tree 0755 – UN/BC there are disturbances in Bebonuk, Airport, Comoro Rd and Pantai Kelapa. All staff are advised to avoid these areas.
Sec Tree 0945 – Illegal roadblock reported in Audian ivo pharmacy.
1000. From NZ embassy. Disturbances in Dili and districts may continue over next days. Maintain a high level of personal security and avoid unnecessary travel in and outside Dili.
Sec Tree 1035 – Cars are continuing to be stoned on Pantai Kelapa Rd between Pertamina fuel and Comoro Rd. Avoid this route.
Sec Tree 1125 – Groups gathering on Beach Rd in Bisau Lecidere ivo IDP camp (near World Bank). Unpol on scene. Avoid area.
Sec Tree 1148 – Cars being stoned ivo ANZ bank.
Sec Tree 1153 – UN/BC Stone throwing on Comoro Rd ivo Landmark Plaza and Comoro market.

Manners Maketh the Man

2007-07-18T21:15:00.000+09:00

The following was posted on the self-important blog “Living Timorously” which I am sure some of you read on a regular basis.
My reply will appear after you have read the post.

Bitch Ambassador
My dealings with East Timor have brought me into contact with many different people all over the world, and normally, they're quite approachable. However, it seems that some of my fellow British citizens lag way behind other nationalities in the manners and friendliness stakes.Recently, I met the last British Ambassador to Dili. As I mentioned before, the British Embassy has been axed, thereby saving the Exchequer around £300,000. That will buy you a one-bedroom flat in central London, if you're lucky. I was interested to talk to her, and had actually been to her house, where an East Timorese friend was living while she was doing her Master's degree here.I met her at an event on Monday, and mentioned that we had a few mutual friends and acquaintances, as well as the fact that I was hoping to go out to Dili to work in the Foreign Ministry. However, when I phoned her a couple of days later, I had doubts as to whether I was speaking to the same person. Now, I regret that I called at an inconvenient time, but in such circumstances, it's common courtesy just to say "it's not a good time, some other time, perhaps?" Polite without being euphemistic - I hate it when people say "can I call you back?" But no, I got "Get on with it, what do you want? Why do you want my email address?" and, forsooth, "you're stealing my evening!" Sure, I have a short fuse, and I think that I will let rip when I deal with some of the people working in the government in East Timor - before you accuse me of being the bullying expatriate, the people I would most have a bone to pick with would also be foreigners. However, I do hope that Her Britannic Majesty's Ambassador to the Democratic Republic of 'Timor Leste' wouldn't have been as surly or as truculent with East Timorese as she was with me.But that's the British Foreign Office for you - full of people who love foreigners and despise their own people. Canberra might have the 'Jakarta Lobby', but Whitehall has the 'Any National Capital but London Lobby'.I wish I had an Australian passport - not only would I have consular facilities in Dili, but in my experience, Australians tend to be much friendlier, even former diplomats. (I'm referring to James Dunn - I have no desire to meet Richard Woolcott, however affable he may be.) No wonder they think Poms are stuck up. Even if our former Ambassador in Dili becomes Ambassador or High Commissioner to somewhere more important, and gets a damehood (DCMG - Do Call Me God) she should remember that good manners cost nothing.

I take great exception to this post. Tina is and was a friend and one of the nicest people I have ever met. During the ‘crisis’ last year she was the personification of ‘grace under fire’.
I know you will find that Tina was never as “surly or as truculent” with East Timorese as she was with you because I doubt if any East Timorese were as arrogant, self-centered and patronizing as you probably were with her.
Oh, and if, God forbid, you do get the job at the Foreign Ministry, once in a while stop and think of the Timorese who could have had jobs building the place instead of those same jobs going to imported Chinese labour.
And as for wishing you were Australian with consular facilities here, maybe if and when you get here you should talk to some of the Australians living and working here and ask their opinions of their embassy.
Calling any Ambassador, or any woman come to that, a ‘bitch’ seems to me to be the very nadir of manners. Bad manners cost nothing also it seems.

......

Bloody Weather

2007-07-16T17:34:00.000+09:00

What’s with this weather eh? Personally I blame the new non-government. Once they get their act together and form some sort of acceptable coalition perhaps they can turn their minds to something important like bringing the weather back to normal. Bloody politicians!

........

Dili Airport - Revisited

2007-07-03T17:12:00.000+09:00

I recently posted an item about Dili airport which some of you agreed with but which one person in particular, ‘Disappointed’, obviously did not. I have copied their comment below. I don’t normally reply to the comments, I just let people say what they want, but leaving aside the inherent racism in remarks like ‘Whinging Pom’ and ‘pasty faced tourists and Malais’ I have decided that I cannot leave this comment without replying.

Anonymous said...
Got that off your chest eh? This wouldn't be a case of the whinging Pom would
it?
Here we are in a nation that’s struggling to achieve the fundamental aspects
of social welfare ie. Access to healthcare, food, basic govt utilities, a
recognisable justice system, security etc. not to mention the estimated 1
fifth of the Timorese population malnourished and without food security and
here you are, bitching about trolleys and air conditioning at the airport!?
Maybe the IDP's in the camps, like Metinaro, that need to walk long distances
daily to collect and carry firewood and water should have a trolley or two as
well! Wouldn’t that be nice.
Did you consider offering to help the poor old bastard who was unloading all
that luggage by himself!?
As for the water, here’s an idea, the next time you’re lucky enough to be
FLYING somewhere, why don't you buy some water from one of the 3000 struggling
little kiosks around town and TAKE it to the airport.
No, maybe I’m being silly. Keeping pasty faced tourists and malais happy is so
much more of a priority right now!
Step back and have a look at what you're saying.
As for scrapping the VISA fee, please...
Disappointed
26 June 2007 13:05

Dear Disappointed
I go to Metinaro at least 6 times a week, and the IDP’s there have all got trolleys, for collecting their wood and whatever else they want to do. Maybe they could start a little business building them and renting them out to the passengers at the airport?
Yes, I did consider helping the ‘poor old bastard’ who was unloading all the luggage himself. But, as you are no doubt aware, as a passenger and not a recognized official I am not allowed airside once I’ve come through immigration. I thought everyone knew that. Silly me.
As to be lucky enough to be FLYING, it’s a long way to walk to Beijing to promote East Timor’s undoubted tourist attractions.
As for the water, I said it was not possible to buy a bottle. What about arriving passengers who have not yet had the delight of buying from the friendly wayside vendors?
Just for your information, we buy EVERYTHING we can from Timorese people, including beer, fags, fruit, veggies and yes, even water.
And yes keeping ‘pasty faced tourists and Malais’ happy is important to me. I am not an NGO. I work in the tourist industry. My business keeps more than 50 Timorese above the poverty line. If we can get tourists here then more real money will flow into the Timorese economy that will actually go to the Timorese and not into some UN/NGO consultant’s pocket as a fat fee.
And the visa fee is keeping people away. Believe me I know, I have asked many ‘pasty faced tourists’ about this.
Now you step back and take a look at what you are saying. As I said, I am not an NGO. I run a business here and have done for the past seven years. I pay all my taxes here, legally. I buy Timorese produce when it’s available, I have taught Timorese to SCUBA dive for no money. I believe that after the oil and gas our coral reef is our most valuable asset, both financially and ecologically. The more ‘pasty faced tourists’ I can get here to witness this for themselves then the more money is going to go to Timorese.
And the only person in this World allowed to be disappointed with me is my Mum, and I’m pretty sure you’re not her. That’s a pretty high sanctimonious horse you are sitting on. Be careful you don’t fall off.

FOS.......

ET in China

2007-06-22T12:07:00.000+09:00

There is an International Tourism trade fare happening in Beijing at the moment at which East Timor is strongly represented by Government and private sector types. For details of this event please check out this address.

........

Dili Airport

2007-06-21T17:55:00.000+09:00

In the past week I have had to use the airport twice. I have to say it’s a bloody disgrace. I was on a flight to Bali last Wednesday and arrived at the airport with about one-and-a-half hours to spare. There is now nowhere to sit outside, the little café is closed down and the toilets are like an open sewer. Upon checking in and going through to the departure lounge, after being told that if I was a diplomat I wouldn’t have to go through any security checks, I found that I couldn’t even buy a small bottle of water. Duty free booze is on sale but you are not allowed to open it in the airport.
Upon returning from Bali the arrivals procedure is just as bad. In ‘baggage reclaim’ I counted 16 trolleys for more than 100 passengers. There are no fans or air conditioning and one small old guy was unloading 4 trailers of luggage.
This airport is the first/last sight most visitors have of East Timor. It used to be quaint and a bit of a ‘people watching’ place around lunchtime each day. Good espresso, people arriving/departing, somewhere to sit. The airport manager (if there is one) should be given a kick up the jacksie and then sacked.
There, that got that off my chest.

You Had To Be There

2007-06-09T02:08:00.000+09:00

Overheard in the pub tonight during an Aussie rules football game on the TV. One of the patrons was getting quite upset:

Patron: Oh no, he manhandled him, come on referee, f**king hell!

Barman: What do you mean he 'manhandled' him? It's a f**king man's game. Did you want him to touch his rectum?

Patron: I hear Melbourne do that....

It made me laugh.

Mad Swiss - Part 2

2007-05-31T14:40:00.000+09:00

Below is a picture of the Swiss couple, Emil and Liliana Schmid, who are travelling the world. On Wednesday 31st May they met with Sr. Miguel Lobato (pictured on the right), Government Director of Tourism. Also pictured is their car, which you have probably seen driving very slowly around town recently.
They have just returned from the east of the country and have now headed for the middle and the south.
You can also get more information on their odyssey

here (web site)

and

here (Guinness Book of Records)

Emil and Liliana Schmid with Sr. Miguel Lobato, Director of Tourism (r)

The vehicle, a Toyota LandcruiserFJ60, built in 1982

.....

Job Going

2007-05-29T16:15:00.000+09:00

The following is an edited version of a job advertisement which appeared in today’s Timor Post:

AUSTRALIAN EMBASSY DILI
The Australian Embassy in Dili is seeking applications from Timorese nationals for the position of Training Officer and interpreter working within the Office of the Australian Defence Cooperation Programme. This is a long-term, full-time position.

The main duties of the position are:
- Conduct research on issued related to Timor – Australia Defence cooperation, including
provision of media monitoring.
- Conduct liaison between the Australian Defence Cooperation Program and F-FDTL including
the ability to work directly with both agencies.
- Liaise with the Timorese Ministry of Defence and other Government organisations on bilateral
Defence matters.

Essential requirements for the position:
- Fluency in spoken and written English and Tetum languages
- Knowledge of Timor’s and Australia’s defence systems.
- Initiative, astuteness and strong analytical skills.
- Ability to work well in a team and to be flexible and adaptable.
- Relevant experience in similar positions or fields.

Highly desirable attributes:
- Well-developed and proven organisational skills.
- Knowledge of Australia and Australia’s involvement in East Timor.

THE AUSTRALIAN EMBASSY IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the most qualified person I can think of is pictured below:

.......

Random Stuff

2007-05-28T14:38:00.000+09:00

Aussie sayings I really like:
“He’s got a face like a dropped pie”.
“Well, that went down like a wrought iron hang-glider.”

Things said on my verandah in the past week
“I feel like making a ricey mixture thing”.......
“That’s called a risotto in every other language”. err, only in Italian I think.

“I must have lots of eggs in case I have to make an emergency quiche”

Dili Directions:
You go past ‘Rubbish Ridge’
Cross over ‘Pig Bridge’
Where ‘Hello Mr.’ used to be.
Where the ‘dead cow’ used to be
The old New Resende
Where the market used to be (could be anywhere)
Where the old Dili club used to be
Where the new Dili club is
Past Ramos Horta’s house
The old Poy Chalor
Kiwi lines on the right, the old Makota on the left
Past the Jardine/Airport/Arte Moris (insert name here) IDP camp

Musings:
This country has one of the highest unemployment rates in the world.
Why do we have so many holidays? And from what?

Do white Pajero’s with tinted windows and no licence plates make you as nervous as they do me?

Why is it that when you are in this country you want to grab it by the shoulder and give it a good hard shake and yet when you are out of it you want to get back as quickly as possible?

Nice People To Meet

2007-05-28T14:34:00.000+09:00

There are a couple of people in East Timor at the moment who, if you get the chance, you should try and meet and maybe buy them a couple of beers.
Their names are Emil and Liliana Schmid and they are doing a pretty amazing thing. They have been travelling the world in a Toyota Landcruiser since October 1984 and have so far have visited 156 countries with ET being the 156th. They have been in the past 10 issues of the Guinness Book of World Records. They are a couple ‘of a certain age’ who are financing their quest on their Swiss pensions (you couldn’t do it on a UK pension, but if you were an East Timorese MP you might be OK). Originally their journey was meant to be for 1 year only but obviously things got out of hand.
The other day they gave me a big list of facts and figures about their journey and some of them are quite incredible. For instance; they have had 161 flat tyres, used 132 spark plugs, the lowest average speed in any country was 10.0km/h in The Vatican. They have spent over USD 6000.00 on visas alone. Oh, and their 1 millionth driving minute was in Kupang, West Timor. (Yah boo sucks to Kupang, it should have been us).
The car is very unmissable. It is sky blue, has about 100 jerry cans strapped to the roof and comes equipped with Zurich licence plates.
As soon as I get a picture of the car I’ll post it here.
Talking of visitors to ET, Mr. Lonely Planet (South east Asia) is also in town. His name is Ryan Ver Berkmoes and he is also a very nice bloke. He is currently staying at the Hotel Dili but will be moving around a bit. Again, if you meet him, buy him a beer and tell him all about our beautiful country. He is a big amiable American chap and may even buy you a beer back…….

Situation Vacant

2007-05-12T16:25:00.000+09:00

Click to enlarge.....

Deja Vu

2007-05-10T20:14:00.000+09:00

SMS News
Sec Tree – 1120 – fighting in Bairo Pite at bridge near primary school number 4, use caution or avoid the area.
Sec Tree – 1220 – Bairo Pite now clear.
Sec Tree – 1400 – Report of large disturbance at Lorema in Liquica, all staff advised to avoid or leave the area until further notice.
Sec Tree – 1420 – Alert, all staff members are advised to avoid Dili courthouse this afternoon danger of public disturbances when Lobarto judgement is announced.
Sec Tree – 1730 – Rock throwing in Kampung Alor ivo Australian embassy, avoid the area.
Sec Tree – 1940 – Area around Jardine camp and Colmera remains tense following large groups fighting. UNPol on scene and now calm. Use caution in the area.
Sec Tree – 1950 – Groups fighting in Kampung Alor ivo Australian embassy, avoid the area.

I wonder if this could have anything to do with the election results?
Lots of police cars racing about town with intent....

Restaurant review

2007-05-10T10:28:00.000+09:00

Name: Little Pattaya
What: Thai restaurant
Where: On Beach road towards Christo Rei just past the new roadwork’s
Phone: 7332398, Chatree is the manager and a very nice bloke.

A wonderful little restaurant with possibly the best ocean views in Dili, from the Christ statue in the East to Alor in the West. Four of us had lunch but I would imagine the sunset view would be absolutely stunning with the sun setting behind Alor.
The beers were icy cold and the food was cooked and not re-heated. The service was efficient and unobtrusive. There is a small canoe on supports that sits parallel with the ocean where one can sit on bar-stools and look at the view.
The WC is clean, bright and well appointed.
For appetizers we had Spring rolls, Papaya salad, Seafood salad and fried chicken wings. Everything was very good but the papaya salad could have been a bit more spicy. The wait between ordering our drinks and the first course arriving was just half a beer.
Our main courses consisted of Padh Thai, green chicken curry, a three sauce fish curry and chicken with cashew nuts all accompanied by steamed rice. We also had 3 large Bintangs and a Tiger. The portions were all quite large. For a total cost of $51.50 plus tip I would say this was one of the better priced and nicer beach-front restaurants in town.
The only minus point, and a minor one at that, was the Hawksbill turtle shell hanging on one of the walls. After explaining to the owner that he faced a possible $50,000 fine for just possessing it he agreed to take it down.
I will definitely be going back to this place a lot, especially for sun-downers and a few snacks.

Marks out of 10: 8

Doh!

2007-05-07T06:43:00.000+09:00

From The Age, May 7th 2007

Fretilin secretary-general Mari Alkatiri accused security forces of landing a helicopter and "inserting" soldiers into a Fretilin rally in the central mountain town of Ainaro last week, which he said "disrupted the proceedings".

Brigadier Rerden, under pressure over the hunt for fugitive rebel leader Aldredo Reinado, denied that his soldiers entered the rally area.
"I have personally investigated the issues you raise and I can confirm that the nearest ISF presence to the rally was around 50 metres," Brigadier Rerden said. Age photographer Glenn Campbell took photographs of soldiers mingling in the crowd.

ISF troops around 50 metres away from the rally in Ainaro.
Glenn Campbell, The Age

Full story here

Even more interesting reading here

Over the Top

2007-05-04T12:31:00.000+09:00

The following is a verbatim transcript:

Office of the Special Representative of the Sectary General
United Nations Integrated Mission in Timor-Leste
Postal Address: obrigado Barracks, Caicoli, UNMIT Headquarters, Dili,
Timor-Leste

REMARKS BY SRSG ATUL KHARE AT THE TOWN HALL MEETING
ON 30 APRIL 2007-05-04

FIRST UN GLOBAL ROAD SAFETY WEEK

Good afternoon,
I would like to take this opportunity to remind all UN staff members of our responsibilities as peacekeepers in Timor-Leste.

We are GUESTS in this country and we are present here to help the people recover from the trauma of conflict, and not to perpetuate it. Each and every one of us owes a fundamental duty of care to the people of Timor-Leste. We must always be on our best behaviour and work towards maintaining the respect and trust of the Timorese people and the United Nations.
Let us not forget that all our actions reflect the image of the United Nations and I call on all UN staff members to practice courtesy and respect at all times, including when driving.
Never underestimate the impact we can have on our good relations with the Timorese community, simply be being friendly and courteous while driving. For many Timorese, the only interaction they have with the UN is when a big white car passes them on the street. Don’t waste that opportunity to make a positive impression and help us as a mission have good relations with the community. Little gestures, like a smile and a wave, can make a huge difference.
Many of you may say that the driving conditions here can be challenging, but let us remember that the basic driving rules and concepts of road safety are similar in all countries. Therefore, I call on everyone to respect and practice these rules here in Timor-Leste as we would in our countries of origin or nationality.
Not drinking and driving, not speeding, not cutting-off vehicles, but obeying traffic signals and allowing pedestrians to cross the streets, are just some examples of road safety rules that if followed could make a difference, not only in the perception given when big UN cars drive by, but in ensuring that our lives and the lives of others are not compromised.
Since 1 March 2007, there have been over 80 traffic accidents where UNMIT vehicles were the only vehicles involved. The frequency of accidents has been increasing significantly.
More recently – yesterday – UN Security conducted a Joint Operation from 0100 to 0400, where checkpoints were established in the vicinity of ‘Pig Bridge and Dili 2001.’ During this three-hour time frame:
26 UN vehicles were stopped
Four UN staff members tested positive to a breath test. One refused to take the test.
Three vehicles and two weapons were impounded.
Seven non-UN staff members were being carried in UN vehicles in violation of regulations.

Yesterday’s operation was set-up following an incident that took place at 1.35 a.m. on Saturday morning when a UN staff member was stopped because of erratic driving. This staff member, who was pronounced drunk, also assaulted the police.
Yesterday at 3.30 in the morning, another accident took place near Hatuberiku, where six Portuguese teachers and 1 Timorese national were injured. The fact that this was a vehicle travelling on its own greatly contributed to the delay in reaching the injured persons. Yesterday’s accident reinforces the need to conform with the rule for two vehicles to travel together on roads that have not been approved for single vehicle use.
I am shocked and distressed by these developments.
These numbers reveal the high volume of accidents involving UN staff. Let us work together to reduce these numbers and to set an example of proper road safety behaviour.
Thank you.

All great sentiments.
Now, when is the SRSG going to deal with the issue of armed UN personnel drinking alcohol in the various ‘de-stressing’ establishments here? I personally have nothing against alcohol, in fact I am known as a bit of a connoisseur of the distilled liquid. But I do object to being in a bar with someone who has a gun on their hip and a beer in their hand. (see UNPOLs post, 12 February 2007)
There, that’s got that off my chest…….