Some of you may have noticed that I have recently started to moderate the comments section of this blog. This is because I have been receiving a number of comments recently from ‘Anonymous’ (you know who you are, you little tinker) that are full of racist, homophobic and frankly fatoldsodist comments. Now whilst I believe in freedom of expression I do think the onus is on the commentator to make sure the comment is coherent, legible, spelled correctly and grammatically precise. So, Anonymous, I promise to publish the first comment you send that fulfils the above criteria, no matter what the content. You fuckwit.
This morning we had our first power cut in months. It lasted about 30 minutes and was of no consequence as we have a generator. I know from friends that we are very very lucky with our electricity as they are having constant cuts in different areas of town. The main reason, I have always suspected, that we are this lucky is because we live on the same street as most of the Embassies in town and nobody wants to upset the donor countries.
Now the other night I was talking to a chap down the pub, as you do, who is over here to help run and maintain the power station in Comoro. Among other things he told me that they have had a directive (no names, no pack drill) that certain areas of Dili should never have cuts. One of these areas contains the house just west of the Jardin IDP camp and Hotel Timor where certain rebels are being contained. You know the one. Its got a big sheet of blue plastic around it, 4 million air-conditioning units, satellite dishes, a pool table and a contingent of heavily armed PNTL and F-FDTL guarding it. Apparently this particular house must not receive any cuts.
Now imagine if you were a law abiding Dili citizen.You pay for your electricity in advance, which you probably will not receive (a breach of contract if ever I saw one) and yet you know that ‘rebels’ in a safe house are never sweaty, have constant light, can put the karaoke machine on whenever they feel like it, the fridge has nice cold drinks in it and that they are safe and sound with their own personal bodyguards to protect them.
If I was that law abiding Dili citizen I would be well fucked off.
I was recently leafing through an old cookery book and came across the following recipe. I thought it might be of interest to my reader.
SERVES APPROX 1 MILLION
300g (11 oz) of Incompetent Governance (IG)
150g (5.5 oz) of Unmitigated Nonchalance (UN)
1 very very small tbsp of transparency
A heavy dollop of mixed bleeding hearts
1 large slice (approx 5 weeks) of religious interference
30 cloves of rebels (crushed)
An overwhelming amount of Pork and Cheese
1000’s of barrels of oil
1 bag of mixed nuts
Ideally this dish should be prepared using an electric oven but in consideration of the previous article a Timor gas oven should be used.
Place your 1000’s of barrels of oil in a pan and bring to the boil. Add your 300g of IG, 150g of UN and your mixed bleeding hearts. All of these should have been well pickled beforehand. After waiting 4 years add your large slice of religious interference. Let the whole lot simmer for approx. 5 weeks. When the dish begins to smell add your 600 petitioners. After 2 months the petitioners should have wrung out the IG. (A new IG can be voted in later). Once this is accomplished throw in your 30 rebels. These can be crushed after 2 years. Stir in your mixed nuts and your leaks. When the mixture starts to smell like a dead rat take your tbsp of transparency and throw it away. You won’t need it. Stir well, cover-up and cook until everyone forgets the previous 6 years. Season the whole mixture with hypocrisy and cynicism and serve on a large bed of Pork and Cheese.