In the current climate of forgiveness and “least said, soonest mended” I have decided to offer an amnesty AND a pardon to the poor misguided armed chaps who burgled my house on December 24th. I realise now that the only way forward is to suffer from a selective amnesia and forget all about justice.
So chaps, I hope you spent the money you stole on alcohol, drugs and loose women and didn’t just squander it. I hope the booze you stole didn’t give you all too big a hang over. That you and yours wear the cloth’s you stole with pride, after having used the iron you stole to make sure they look nice. That the tools, flash-lights, binoculars etc were all up to standard and suited your needs. That you got a good price for these items when you sold them in the Comoro market.
Also in this spirit of “a new beginning” I have put all my old locks back in place so that the keys you stole will now gain you unlimited access to my house so you won’t have to drug the dogs to get in.
I also hope that when/if you are arrested (ha!) you refer to the amnesty given to Rogerio Lobato and 80 other convicted criminals and basically say “If it’s alright for them it should be alright for us”.
Maybe we can arrange a “dialogue” or a “workshop” or a “consultation” to resolve any issues we may have. Myself and a few of my mates would love to have a “dialogue” with you so that we can all see the error of our ways.
Talking Of Which
A very nice PNTL officer who is in charge of my burglary case came round the other day with some ID photo’s of guys he suspects may have been involved. He asked me if I recognised any of them and had I seen them hanging around the house on the day in question. After perusing the pictures I had to tell him that I didn’t in fact recognise anyone. This was due to the black-eyes, bleeding noses and general bruising that would have made it hard for their mothers to know them. I gently suggested to the police officer that maybe they should take the ID photo’s before they give the suspects a bashing. He took this on board and said it was a very good idea.
Another triumph for public/police relations.