Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Beer 'N Stuff

Squatters quest for a bottle of Lion or Buffalo beer has set me to thinking.
Most countries in this part of the world have their own locally brewed beers which can be very nice. For example, we’ve got Singha, Tiger and of course, Bintang. From what I understand about Bintang, the Dutch (Heineken) helped the Indonesians in the initial brewing of Bintang and turned out a very nice drop.
What if the Portuguese, who also brew a couple of nice beers (I find Super Bock a very acceptable breakfast beer, if a little ‘girly’) helped the Timorese to brew a nice local beer? The beer could be sold at a reasonable price, thus encouraging foreign tourists to come here. “Mate, you gotta try that Timorese brew, its only 80cents a bottle and it does the job”.
But what would we call it? ‘Rock?’, ‘Stone?’ ‘Arrow Beer?’. Suggestions on a postcard please to: fatoldsod, 3rd rock fight on the left, Dili.

Which brings me to

‘N Stuff
A couple of friends have recently mooted the idea of turning East Timor in to one vast Marijuana crop. Now, before you start typing outraged comments, think about it.
There are pro’s and con’s.
The main ‘con’ would be that the U.S. would cut off all aid to East Timor with the Australians and Brits quickly following suit. But, what they hey, we are raking in 100 million bucks a month with the oil and gas so who needs the aid?
The pros: The cuisine would improve immensely, the music too. Most of the local scrotes would be lying in the streets looking for a bar of chocolate and singing Bob Marley songs.
I mean, when was the last time a hippy threw a rock at your car?

Tuesday, 27 February 2007


The local scrotes have just been drinking outside the house. Once they were pissed they decided to rock some vehicles. The 1st three car rockings went off OK. Unfortunately for the scrotes the 4th car had an off duty UNPol inside, armed. They rocked him, he stopped and fired four shots from his Glock into the air. Scrotes quickly dispersed. Way to go. We need more affirmative action like this.

Security Alert

Restricted travel for UN staff to Ainaro, Bobonaro, Covalima, Ermera, Aileu and Manuhafi districts. UN staff in Same leaving today. Source: UNDSS
I wonder what could be going on?


I've just seen 7 truckloads of heavily armed (M16's etc) f-FDTL heading west very fast on the beach road. Could be heading to the rice warehouses or the airport. Who knows? But, it is a worry seeing more and more f-FDTL on the streets of Dili just lately.

Monday, 26 February 2007

Robbing Hood

Reports coming in today that a heavily armed Major Alfredo Reinardo and about 8 of his men at around mid-day yesterday 25th Feb. 'attacked' a police post in Maliana, called Junction Point Charlie, and got away with 17 H-K33's and a quantity of ammunition. There was no resistance. Alfredo said he carried out the action 'to defend the country' according to a UN spokesperson. The ISF (International Stabilisation Force) responded but no details are available.
It is also reported that UNPol will be carrying out an operation to capture Alfredo in South-Eastern parts of the country.

Saturday, 24 February 2007

Sit. Rep.

Surprisingly a very quiet day after yesterday's events. Reports that another guy has died in hospital as a result of wounds received. There were rumours that the doo-doo would hit the fan following the funeral today, but all seems very quiet. SMS reports coming to keep away from Santa Cruz market and the old Merkarda at Audian roundabout.
Tomorrow could be interesting. Limes still available.

Thursday, 22 February 2007

A Good Informative Link

Read All About It

You heard it here first folks:



22 February 2007, Al Jazeera English today interviewed the Prime Minister of East Timor, Dr. Jose Ramos Horta who reveals exclusively to Al Jazeera English for the first time that he will run for the Presidency.

Speaking to Al Jazeera English, Dr. Horta said:

“After a lot of hesitation, I have decided to run for the Presidency. I will announce it shortly. Many people have come to me, barefoot, illiterate from around the country, some without even my agreement began collecting signatures for me.”

“I have consulted with my President, Xanana Gusmao, consulted with the Bishops and I have decided to accept the burden.”

“But if the people in their centuries old wisdom decide to vote for someone else, there are plenty of candidates right now, it is positive, there are so many candidates, if the people in their centuries old wisdom decide to vote for any of them other than me I will probably be the only candidate in the world for any job who will celebrate my electoral demise.”


Press Office
Al Jazeera English
P.O. Box 23127
Doha, Qatar
Tel. +974-489-2320/1 (Doha)
Tel. +44-(0)207-201-2819 (London)
Tel. +1-202-496-4544 (Washington DC)

Safe In Their Hands, Part 2

OK, it’s 4.47pm. Two hours ago I called the police (UNPOL) to report 2 f-FDTL guys about 100metres up the road (east), who stopped their car, a white Pajero with no number plates, got out and fired off two rounds from an M16 into Pantai Kalapa. They stayed in the road for about 3 minutes and then left.
Still no sign of the cozzers though.

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

The Perfect Gin 'N Tonic

Fresh limes
Bombay Sapphire Gin or Gordons if BS unavailable
Schweppes Tonic Water
1 Long Glass.

Take long glass and fill with ice up to 1/3rd of the height of glass.
Squeeze a slice of lime over the ice and rub remainder of slice around top edge of glass
Pour gin until 1 centimetre above level of ice
Drop in half slice of lime
Pour tonic until 1 centimetre below top of glass

Repeat and repeat again, and then again and again.

Same Old, Same Old

Oh well, the boys have started outside the house this evening. It’s pouring with rain, the rocks are flying and the dogs are barking. I think I’ve been here before.

A Busy Day

Well, today seems to be very busy in Dili. We are getting ‘phone and SMS reports from a number of people about rock-throwing and fighting all over town. One friend has just had his car rocked at the Pertamina market, just up the road from us. Another is reporting that at least 3 food establishments have been trashed on City CafĂ© road and yet another is reporting that the boys seem to be targeting UN, NGO and Malae vehicles.
The area between the Comoro bridge and the airport roundabout is also making the news with rival gangs having a right old ding-dong out there.
Luckily(?) for me I was up early this morning, (following a pretty drunken evening) taking my car to the doctors to have its brakes fixed and anything else that might be wrong with it. Hence, I can’t go out on the streets at the moment, which is probably a good thing anyway.
Am meant to be going night-diving at Dili Rock (Tasi Tolo) tonight but it looks like it might be cancelled because we will have to drive through 2 of the areas mentioned above. Ah well, looks like the Bintang route again tonight.

Friday, 16 February 2007

Safe In Their Hands

A few selected items taken from the UNPOL (United Nations Police) security briefing published every(?) day on their website.

Make up your own minds...................

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing February 14, 2007
In Taci Tolu, during the afternoon, a group of two hundred people got involved in a rock fight. The group dispersed on police arrival and the situation returned to normal. During the incident, a man had his microlet stolen.

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing January 31, 2007
On 27 January 2007, in a ceremony held at UIR Compound at Hudi-Laran, in Dili, the Prime Minister, Dr. Ramos-Horta, told the officers not to be scared to act against the people creating violence and destabilizing the country for fear of human rights abuse accusations. Ramos-Horta said if anyone criticizes them of human rights abuse they should directly speak to him.
He added that he personally requested UNMIT to speed up the re-integration of UIR and that the officers would be entitled to carry long weapons and pistols. Minister of Interior Alcino Barris also informed that soon PNTL Transit Unit would be reactivated.
UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing Jan. 26, 2007
In Dili, the modalities of violence have changed significantly, for instance, the suspects throw stones and disappear from the scene when the UNPOL comes in. This situation cannot be solved just through the means usually applied by UNPOL. Therefore, it’s necessary to find new ways of dealing with this problem and the Community can help the Police to capture the suspects by providing information to arrest them. So, in order to ensure sustainability of the good results achieved it would be great that all citizens could cooperate with the Police to give an adequate answer to the increasing needs of security.

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing January 25, 2007
When people feel that they are under threat, they are not to hesitate to request assistance through UNPOL National operations Centre: 112 or 7230365. UNPOL are quickly on the scene, and upon their arrival the troublemakers responsible for the disturbance usually quickly disperse.

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing January 23-24, 2007
Police Roadblocks: UNPOL is planning to start in the near future traffic operations to re-establish the Law and order on the streets of Timor-Leste. Our Objective is to increase the road safety by insuring the integrity of people and goods traveling on Timorese roads. Therefore, after several awareness campaigns with friendly advising from the Traffic agents, UNPOL is going to increase the Law enforcement, through roadblocks and Police measures to apply the regulations and Laws of Timor-Leste, especially concerning drivers that are not qualified with drivers license. UNPOL will also take action to apply the regulations prohibiting the use of vehicles without Identification Plates or people traveling on the roof, in order to prevent the growing number of road accident casualties.

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing January 17, 2007
We remind you Police is available to help you 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call the police through the toll free number 112 or 7230365.
And don't forget to clarify always the following:
-what (happened, is happening or will happen),
-where (street name or quickly understandable points of reference such as stores, churches, official buildings, etc),
-when (past, on going, today, sometime in the future),
-how (weapons or violence involved),
-who (number of people involved and groups/ suspects names),
Feel comfortable to state your personal identity and address, so that we can follow your case with accuracy. Confidentially is granted.

UNPOL: Daily Security Briefing January 8, 2007
We remind you that Police is available 24/7. Please do collaborate by informing any suspect act or any situation which will prevent a crime, also any misbehave. Please help us to make the community a safer place.

Sunday, December 31, 2006
The situation has remained calm in the rest of the districts and in Dili. We advise people to enjoy their New Year eve without excessive drinking. If you drink don't drive, cause it's not only your life you're putting at risk.
The UNPol wishes you a very happy New Year. This has been a daily broadcast of the UN Police in Timor-Leste, for the people of Timor-Leste

Weapons of Dog Destruction (WDD's)

The lovely little device pictured here is an Ambon arrow or ‘Rama Ambon’. This is just one of the weapons the chaps here use when they indulge in a little horse-play around town. These things are fired from catapaults or slingshots or Shanghai’s, depending on whether you are speaking English, American or Australian.
The rumour is that the tips are dipped in noxious substances such as battery acid, human doo-doo or any other nasty stuff.
The one pictured was extracted from the front shoulder of one of my dogs (pictured, with arrows) who was shot through our fence one night last week. The poor dog had to walk around with it hanging out of her for a day until the vet. could come, make the wound slightly bigger and extract the thing. We havn’t found the culprit yet but suspect small boys. In a way I hope we do not find out who did it. As you can imagine this made me very very angry.
The dog is fine. She took it in her stride. Oh, and another one hit her in the ear.

Thursday, 15 February 2007

St. Valentines Gay Massacre

Oh what a night!
Am just now, around 6pm’ish, getting over the hangover from last night. And what a night. The Venture Hotel held a St. Valentines Day Gay fashion parade.
We arrived at the hotel at around 7pm for dinner first and then the fun. Entry was ticket only, five bucks and 2 sangria’s gratis. The sangria was very acceptable. After a nice feed next to the swimming pool we repaired to the main event.
Around 9 of the clock the first of the ‘models’ paraded along the catwalk. And what beautiful 'girls' they were. All shapes and sizes, hair-do’s and outfits. The 'ladies' had obviously put a lot of thought, time and effort into their get-up’s because each 'lady' was on the catwalk a minimum of 3 times. There was everything from fun 60’s style mini skirts and boots, evening wear, combat wear, stuff to wear to a funeral (very practical) and wedding dresses.
Everybody had a fantastic time and I think a few Timorese eyes were opened. As well as the effort that the girls expended I can only commend their courage in 'coming out' at night in these somewhat difficult times.
A big thankyou to Nene, who runs the Venture for giving everyone such a wonderful time. Hopefully I’ll work out how to put some pictures of the event on this blog.

Monday, 12 February 2007


Just a few observations about UNPOL (United Nations Police).
Yesterday I saw my first, second and third vehicles driving through the red light of our wonderful new traffic lights. All three vehicles were UNPOL cars driven by international police. None of the police cars had sirens sounding or lights flashing and so didn’t seem to be responding to an emergency call. I havn’t yet seen one other car drive through a red light.
Later in the afternoon I saw an UNPOL car, brand new, being driven by an officer of the f-FDTL (our East Timorese army). No-one else was in the car. Very strange.
Then, to cap it all, I was in a local ex-pat bar, having a few sherberts during one of our frequent power cuts and at one table were five Malaysian police officers, all armed and all extremely pissed. One of the officers, a Sikh and a very nice chap, came to talk to me at the bar. After the introductions and a few informal words I asked him if it was OK for him to be drinking whilst armed. He told me that ‘this is only my second beer sir, and I have only had one glass of wine before this’. Fair enough. I wish I could get that drunk on so few alcohols. I’d be a richer man than I am now.


This is one of the greatest gossip items in Dili right now. We are being subjected to more and longer power cuts. Not a day goes by without out at least one power outage, normally of around 3 hours duration. Sometimes we even get 4 a day. Now, we all know we are living in a developing country with a developing country’s problems, not to mention the current ‘crisis’. But I just wish the buggers who are turning off our power could at least put an ad. in the paper, at least once a week, just to let us know when the power is going to be off. I figure they must know when it is going to happen because they cuts are pretty uniform as to times and durations.
Lots of gossip as to the reasons for outages too. Some are saying its just basic incompetence: i.e. no routine maintenance of the generators, no spare parts etc while others are saying, and this has been ‘reported’ in the local press that the fuel for the generators has been watered down by upto 65percent!
Whatever the reasons, it’s been costing me a fortune in batteries, candles and going out when I would much rather stay home and watch a movie.
Anyway, today I bought a generator, cost me just under USD 2000 but at least from now on, I hope, I’ll be able to sit under a fan, get a cold drink and watch whatever the hell I want without holding my breath waiting for the power to go.